Hillary super delegates hold news conference to dangle Mr. Butter Smooth

Funny story written by joseph k winter

Wednesday, 8 June 2016

image for Hillary super delegates hold news conference to dangle Mr. Butter Smooth
Big House or White House not yet decided

Hillary Clinton's recent victories put her at 2,184 delegates, 198 short of the required 2,382 to win the nomination.

Sanders has 1,804 at 578 short.

That Clinton has "won the nomination" depends on the votes of her additional 571 super delegates, versus Sanders' 48.

These super delegates have not yet voted.

She has not yet won.

Celebration of "the presumptive nominee" is presumptive.

If the Clinton super delegates switch to Sanders he would have 2,375 delegates plus his own 48 super delegates, and a total 2,423 to take him over the top.

Eager reporters yesterday spoke to an anonymous Clinton super delegate committee on this possibility.

AP and NBC reporters led the way with a "No way, this is not possible, is it" in their tones.

"Because we were the first to announce her victory as established fact before it even happened!"

From somewhere amidst the super delegate committee came a murmuring of "Biden is possible."

This dangled option produced the sound of angry wasps and was captured across the globe bringing Hillary Clinton herself, roaring like a lion, to an impromptu rally in front of The White House.

What? Whaaat? was heard repeatedly amongst AP and NBC and other reporters, including representatives of all decent news establishments across the US.

A spokesperson for the super delegate committee added, "Then again the FBI and the NSA, on her email violations, unless . . ."

But further details revealed--

*Ms. Clinton's email problems show significantly (numerically) more problems than any of her predecessors at the State Department

*she broke her own State Department rules

*revelations in her leaky emails amount to the same kind of whistle blowing associated with John Kiriakou and Chelsea Manning, plus Assange and Snowden

*the standard "but there were no deaths from them" was not used to prosecute other leakers

However, of course--and with considerable pausing and humming and hawing--super delegates are aware that she has a different status than a common criminal, as standard bearer against the barbarian Donald Trump.

And if worst comes to worst with an indictment, Mr. Biden, Smiling Joe himself, can be brought in as replacement, with Sanders passed by for refusing to unite the party.

If Sanders would just get with mainstream media and the corporate sector on the Democratic candidate, he might find himself in a Biden cabinet--as Coordinator of Progressive Ideas for the 2020 Election.

Ms. Clinton would still be at the most heroic moment since the 19th amendment, as the first presumptive nominee for president behind bars.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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