Written by NerdInBriefs

Saturday, 9 August 2014

image for Gazan estate agents protest saying Hamas is bad for business leads to overthrow of regime - Foxtons set to open first local branch

Following weeks of aerial bombardments on Gaza, local estate agents, having watched as their business and client base collapsed overnight and living on their last bit of commission, marched through downtown Gaza demanding an end to the madness.

Little did they expect that 24 hours later they would be in charge of this small strip of country, an unprecedented move, and undoubtedly these Gazans will now win the coveted Estate Agent of the Year awards in December in Las Vegas. Shockingly Foxtons already today had fleets of their branded minis driving around Gazan streets, a sign for many that they has been behind all of this.

With all the civilian casualties over the last month, many Gazans felt embarrassed by the complaints of estate agents that this war was bad for business, when people's day to day survival was more important and so many civilian casualties. Truth was, estate agents felt they had lost the most, having invested a lot overtime over the last few years to change the local property market as well as introducing the popular open house sessions.

Since the introduction of Open House days, Gazans found they liked nothing more than snooping around other people's homes even if they couldn't actually afford to move on, but estate agents now wondered if they'd ever be able to see the return of the good old days.

As the bombing campaign intensified, estate agents felt they were affected more than other sections of Gazan society, seeing countless properties that had been close to sale, now either destroyed or pulled off the market due to house prices crashing. Particularly galling was estate agents had championed the slow gentrification of certain areas, particularly Gaza Ocean Drive area, with one notable case of an estate agent close to negotiating a sale of a refurbished school that now was declared a war crime area, so would never see his huge commission come through.

Estate agents took to the streets of Gaza yesterday demanding compensation from Hamas for loss of earnings, which was controversial as public protests against the government were unheard of. To their surprise, most Hamas officials were too busy doing media interviews or digging tunnels that the estate agents found they had a surprisingly easy ride as they went on the march. Numbers swelled quickly as other locals sympathetic to the plight of the Estate Agents joined their ranks, suddenly losing their fears over Hamas iron rule over the territory.

When Hamas officials returned from their tunnels... They were shocked to see For Sale signs lining the street leading up the presidential compound., with young men dressed in flash suits racing their cars and up and down the street.... Gaza after weeks of bad news and air raid sirens, saw the welcome return of the estate agent wide boy, with many on Facebook delighted that the arrogant swagger had returned to Gaza, meaning the good days were back.

Worse news was to come for Hamas who hoped people would see sense, as every citizen of Gaza was now promised a commission on sale of the land, that Hamas had nothing to offer to win back any public support. Many Hamas officials quickly defected and were trying to get training to learn how to become estate agents.

Foxtons in London had late last month apparently called an emergency meeting in its Park Lane, London office to discuss developments, having had agents on the ground already monitoring the situation. Britons woke up today to see to the whole of Gazan being advertised for sale on Foxtons homepage, and with thousands of photo and floor plans of the properties for sale, meaning this was no overnight job but had taken weeks of planing.

Plane load of rich developers have already been flying in to this narrow strip of land, to be part of the first viewings this weekend, including some London folk who feel they have been priced out of the market. Conspiracy theorists have been quick to question who has been behind the estate agent takeover. Was it Egypt was it the CIA? Or was Foxtons, notorious for their canabalistic tendencies in the Uk, taking advantage of a new market opening up as they said in statements today? Or had they been behind this from the very start provoking Israel and Hamas to go to war so they could then infiltrate the local market. If this is true, no one expected 20 year old Estate Agents with cheap suits to actually be in charge.

Israel has yet to comment, though Netanyahu was alleged to have been heard shouting on the phone, that this time he didn't want to be outbidded, and would do anything to finalise the sale on his much needed weekend away flat.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!





Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
109 readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more