Holocaust victims' gold found in Pinochet's Riggs Bank account

Funny story written by queen mudder

Wednesday, 25 October 2006

image for Holocaust victims' gold found in Pinochet's Riggs Bank account
Pinochet, whose gold whored has been discovered in Hong Kong

Hong Kong - (Associated Mess): Over two million tonnes of gold ingots belonging to Holocaust victims has been found in a Riggs Bank safe deposit box in Hong Kong belonging to one Herr ObergruppenFuherer Augusto Pinochet, the deposed Chilean dictator and former rent boy to the late Queen Mother.

And in a parallel development, officers probing the UK bungs-for-peerages scam that saw the July arrest of Prime Monster Tony Blair's blind trust portfolio bagman Lord Levy, a large amount of bullion missing from the October 1983 Brinks Matt gold heist has also been recovered from an Isle of Dogs lock-up registered in the name of Riggs Bank Nominee Holdings (Santiago).

General Pinochet, 90, is under house arrest for tax evasion, embezzlement, money-laundering, grand larceny, jury subornment, perversion of the course of justice, conspiracy to pervert, general corruption and failure to provide an adequate urine sample for Bush Family Evil Empire DNA-matching evidence purposes.

Some insider reports claim that the Hong Kong whored consists mainly of gold fillings and dental implants which were stolen by the Nazis in 1940 following extractions by trainees from the Pinochet Dental Military Academy.

A spokesman for Riggs - whose CEO is President George Bush's uncle Jonathan Bush - has refused to speculate on this latest development.

A recent glowing Bank press release claimed that its own professional Gold Standard for global corruption was still held by the Chilean General despite much competition from Nigeria's Vice President Atiku Abubakar, who too was busted last week for what the UK Foreign Office has called "Pinochet-esqe activities incompatible with his status as a gun-slinging, hostage-taking, pimp-running, Marl Foley-sucking, corruption-ridden loan shark".

More news is expected later this week.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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