Anonymous tea party insiders indicate the party is recovering quickly from its recent defeat, with exciting notions for more shutdown and debt ceiling crisis into the new year
The defeat was accompanied by a thrilling revelation, as though a cloud cracked open and Robert E. Lee himself spoke.
They had gotten it all backwards. They were not the new "American Revolution" in which they were crossing the Delaware like George Washington.
This notion was understandable, and after all history is so confusing. But the enemy in 1776 was the British monarchy ruling over America.
Now the enemy is . . . the American elected government representatives.
This revelation poured over them like syrup onto pancakes at your local Jumbo Pancakes place downtown.
They weren't revolutionists. They were reactionaries.
America had moved forward to a pluralistic society with modern safeguards such as unemployment insurance and social security-or, in tea party language, "socialism."
The answer? Return to a decent past and re-establish the old order.
Right away the tea party gave itself a new name--The Royal Tea Party (or Royalty Party).
People should pull themselves up by their own bootstraps. Now, if those bootstraps are already pulled up and handed to them on a platter via inheritance that's due to their superior genes and circumstances and place in the social system.
The richest people in the society--"the royalty" of the current day--should run it. Governing will take place according to the rights of the superior, and the wealthy by definition are superior.
Meetings and planning will take place in some of the wealthiest estates--or "palaces"--in the country.
Tea bags will be replaced with gold-colored crowns.
All members will be monarchs and should behave accordingly as rulers and arbiters of the good and the right.
Selected tea party members (Mr. Cruz was mentioned as a possibility) will assume the role of court jesters in full costume. They will wear this costume at all times, as with speaking to the media and congress.
A new motto for the party's basic principle is being developed, with the following getting high enthusiasm at this time:
Si non vincere nos devastantem (If we don't win we destroy everything).