Written by Felix Minderbinder

Wednesday, 4 October 2006

image for Israel Opens Its Nuclear Weapons Facilities to Tourists
Some Israeli nuclear bombs

TEL AVIV (UPI)-Tourists visiting Israel can now see the country's several nuclear weapon's facilities and touch hundreds of the nuclear weapons after Israeli Prime Minister Ehud Olmert officially opened them to international goodwill visits.

"These are nice bombs, they are Jewish bombs," said Olmert, who sat on a thermonuclear weapon for reporters at one of several Israeli military depots during a press conference and photo op.

"We want to show the world that we have hundreds of nice Jewish bombs," he indicated. "Our nuclear program is totally warlike and it certainly isn't peaceful…but it is nice."

Tourists attending the ceremony snapped pictures with each other sitting and standing on the Israeli bombs. They also examined dosimeters that measured how much radiation they were receiving from the bombs.

Hundreds of nuclear weapons can now be examined by such tourists at several military depots, and tourists can also enter the nuclear bomb factory where the bombs are assembled and where nuclear materials are generated in nuclear reactors at Dimona.

The new tourist facilities include special rides and refreshments like chicken soup with matzoh balls.

"Wow, that was great being able to touch a Jewish bomb, even to sit on one," said Ben Benderman, a tourist from New York. "I didn't want anymore children anyway, so that radiation dose was very timely."

Mrs. Benderman with her 14 children agreed. "Nuclear bombs are pretty useful, I guess," she muttered as her children played hide and seek among the racks of bombs and practiced "duck and cover" procedures in case one of the bombs should happen to explode.

American President George W. Bush praised the decision by the Israeli government to open up its nuclear bomb facilities to tourists.

"This move shows just how open the Israeli government can be," he said. "Since Iran has just opened up its peaceful nuclear facilities to tourists, it is only right that Israel should open up its nuclear facilties which are totally unpeaceful."

The Israeli government issued a news release explaining how its nuclear weapons were created and thanked the several countries including the USA and individuals which helped build them.

Olmert also apologized to former Israeli nuclear technician Mordechai Vanunu for jailing and torturing him for 18 years for revealing secrets of Israel's nuclear stockpile in 1986. Vanunu remains in Israeli custody, however.

"Maybe someday we shall actually release Vanunu," Olmert added.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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