PYONGYANG, NORTH KOREA--Kim Jong-Un, supreme leader of North Korea, announced today that his government would launch pre-emptive nuclear war upon the United States, but added that the country will be spared until the conclusion of March Madness.
"America will wither under the fire of the people's revolution," said Kim in an internationally-televised broadcast. "The day is dawning when the imperialists and warmongers will know full retribution for their crimes-and that day will come shortly after a national champion is crowned in Atlanta on April 7."
The noted basketball fan, who recently entertained controversial former player Dennis Rodman, said while his government is committed to turning America into "a desolate wasteland where not even the lowliest cockroach could survive", he will temporarily stay his nation's might in order to witness the highly-anticipated basketball competition.
"It would be wholly unfair to deprive the comrades of the People's Republic one last opportunity to watch the hair-raising, nail-biting rollercoaster ride that is the NCAA basketball tournament," declared the enigmatic dictator. "After the tournament, however, America's chickens shall come home to roost! Glory to the heroic army of the People's Republic, and Go Orange!"
According to North Korean government sources, Kim and his father, the deceased Kim Jong-Il, have scored perfect brackets every year going back to the tournament's inception.
