UK Says Battering Ram Not Likely In Assange Case

Funny story written by joseph k winter

Sunday, 19 August 2012

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UK officials insist they are not considering a battering ram against the front door of Ecuador's embassy in London, where Julian Assange's asylum has recently been extended to the country of Ecuador itself.

It's important, UK officials say, to note the importance of this case, and what a dangerous criminal Assange is. He is being investigated for deliberately breaking not one, but two, condoms in his affairs with two Swedish women.

No charges have been brought against him, but it's imperative the Swedes get him to their own country for the proper investigation. The women in question have remained mute, although it is known they continued to party with Assange well after the collapse of the protective apparatus during their merry-making. UK police are constantly on alert around the embassy, but the battering ram will not be used-at this time.

However, there are political dimensions underlying the scenario, leading some officials to have itchy battering-ram fingers to get at Assange. His audacious release of the Wikileaks cables has caused severe heart-murmurs, blanched cheeks, awkward indigestion, and disclosure of secrets that should have been kept decently under wraps for the civilized and democratic leading western societies.

Thus, it is politically correct and feasible for these UK officials to continue working on the idea of taking a battering ram to the front door of the Ecuador Embassy, and this ploy has not been totally discarded.

An official spokesperson who requested anonymity stated, "After all, the guardians of civilization have an obligation to defend the world and keep it safe and wholesome." This spokesperson added, "US officials are fully in sympathy with this thinking, and consider it honorable."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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