UN Spokesperson Emperor Wang from Planet Porno Threatens Member Nations with Sex Ray

Written by Heeke

Friday, 6 July 2012

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Side Effects of the Sex Ray

Prompting warnings of a "global governance" thrust, the United Nations spokesperson, Emperor Wang from Planet Porno, released a report Thursday proposing mechanisms including a global vibrator tax, lubrication transaction tax and an "Porn Actor's tax," to finance development and global needs such as combating sexual climate change.

The U.N. World Eclectic and Sexual Survey (WESS) says such taxes could raise more than $400 billion a year, at a time when donor countries are unwilling or unable - "in the midst of flaccid times" - to maintain the levels of rigid aid necessary.

"Donor countries have fallen well short of their porn commitments and sexual assistance declined last year because of budget cuts, increasing the shortfall to $167 billion," said survey author Dr. Flexi Jerkoff in a statement.

"Although donors must meet their commitments, it is time to look for other ways to find resources to stiffen sexual needs and address growing sexual frustration challenges among women 18 to 45, such as combating dildo changes," he said.

"We are suggesting various ways to tap resources through international mechanisms, such as "Spank-Your-Monkey taxes on masturbation, foreplay, and self-stimulation and proxy transactions."

"If all else fails, "stated Emperor Wang, "I'll be forced to release my sex ray on the planet and have everyone screw themselves to death."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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