Radical Muslim Cleric In Trouble Over Sep 11 Denial

Funny story written by John Butler

Saturday, 25 March 2006

image for Radical Muslim Cleric In Trouble Over Sep 11 Denial
Did this really take place? Or was it, as some say, an elaborate hoax?

Radical Muslim Cleric, Rasheed Al-Roudali, could find himself in front of an International Criminal Court over remarks he made concerning the authenticity of the September 11 Al-Qaeda terrorist attacks on the World Trade Centre towers in 2001.

Speaking on Al Jazeera Television, Al-Roudali claimed that "September 11 attacks are a figment of the west's corrupted imaginations. What people saw on that day was strictly an illusion... or, should I say, a devious fabrication".

"September 11 deniers, as they're known, say that the US constructed a perfect replica Manhattan several years ago"

Al-Roudali claims the US Government hired a Hollywood movie director (Roudali said it is probably "Steven Spielberg, maybe James Cameron, whichever one was available at the time") to choreograph the now iconographic images showing both towers being smashed into by two American Airlines passenger jets and subsequently collapsing like flaming Jenga puzzles.

Al-Roudali insists the Bush Administration broadcast these images across the world as part of a "global hate campaign against Islam and Allah".

September 11 deniers, as they're known, say that the US constructed a perfect replica Manhattan several years ago at a secret undisclosed location - possibly underground - and have used it to transmit propaganda and falsitudes.

"How else do you think they could have filmed The Day After Tomorrow" Al-Roudali asked. "Think about it", he added enigmatically.

9/11 deniers also claim that all those who the US say perished in the attacks were in fact professional stuntmen, as were all firefighters that attended the chaotic aftermath.

These stuntmen, Al-Roudali states, continue to work both on tv and in movies to this day. He even says one of the men seen jumping from a tower "committing suicide" is clearly identifiable as a body double from a recent episode of CSI New York.

The controversial cleric is the first high profile figure to make public such opinions.

That said, several lower profile conspiracy theorists have, from the beginning, been circulating rumours online (check out "www.9/11/whatreallyhappened.com").

Some even say that it wasn't a movie set but rather a CGI-driven digital cartoon, coining the term "virtual-terror-strike" to describe the attacks.

"Back in 1995, Al-Roudali expressed doubts over the veracity of the 1993 World Trade Centre attack"

An American computer graphics expert, who wishes not to be named (he tells us he worked on both Toy Story movies though), says this viewpoint should be taken "very seriously".

Pointing at a screen showing the first plane hurtling into the north tower, the computer graphics expert said, "Look you can see slight glitches in the clouds in the background. And look at the that fire... the way it moves. For me they're not real flames, (points finger) see they're kind of blocky and pixelated, they're exactly the kind of flames you see sprouting from volcanoes in Shrek if you look real close".

Asked if these shots are conclusively CGI, the graphics expert said, "I'd say the chances are between 95 and 97%".

Back in 1995, Al-Roudali expressed doubts over the veracity of the 1993 World Trade Centre attack saying now "the same set was probably used then rebuilt for a more explosive 2001 remake".

President George W Bush condemned Al-Roudali's words, arguing that even if he could prove that the US faked the September 11 attacks there's no way he can prove that they didn't actually take place.

The president was then asked to explain this suspiciously cryptic remark, but immediately fell to the floor, lay sideways, broke into a cold sweat, and began babbling incoherently.

A Whitehouse spokesperson later said President Bush was so upset over Al-Roudali's hurtful words that he suffered an epileptic fit.

Al-Roudali hit back claiming that Bush had faked the fit contending that there's "no record of Bush ever suffering from epilepsy".

A special UN task force has been set up to determine a course of justice for Al-Roudali in line with the inflammatory nature of his comments. The panel of judges will include Donald Rumsfeld along with some "alleged" widows of "allegedly" deceased firefighters. Al-Roudali will be represented by Thomas Mesereau.

The UN did not comment on whether there is to be an enquiry into the credibility of the American president's epileptic fit however.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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