Nursery Rhyme Characters Follow Dumpty

Written by A Lias

Friday, 10 February 2006

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Helping nursery rhyme characters get the justice they deserve.

Many popular nursery rhyme characters are making millions of pounds from court cases, following the success of Humpty Dumpty's court case supported by the National Accident Helpline.

After winning £100,000 from his court case, many other nursery rhyme characters are getting in on the same act as Mr Dumpty. A National Accident Helpline spokeswoman revealed that the NAH had been: "Flooded with phone calls from nursery rhyme characters trying to sue people, following our successful win since
Humpty Dumpty's case was brought to the public eye by The Spoof."

Little Miss Muffet, a well-known nursery rhyme character, is claiming a spider sexually assaulted her while she was innocently eating curds and whey. The spider claims she was sat on a privately owned tuffet and was simply "trying to scare her away". Miss Muffet's case is due to begin next month after evidence is gathered, and if she wins, she could get a cash sum of £250,000 or more.

The RSPCA, on behalf on a black sheep known as "Baa Baa", is claiming compensation over racial discrimination in the work place. The RSPCA claim that Baa Baa was "unfairly given a degrading errand to run under blatantly racial bias from his employer". If this case is won, Baa Baa will be donating all his money to the RSPCA to stop further "racial hate crimes against sheep".

Another court case is that of Jack and girlfriend Jill, who are hoping their court case will bring about severe changes to the safety of hills nationwide. Jack's injury has "hampered day-to-day life enormously". If they win, the couple could recieve anything from £10,000 to the maximum amount of £50,000.

Another nursery rhyme tells of an old man, a dog and bones. The old man - asking to remain anonymous - says that the dog in question was constantly harrassing him for a bone. The man, frail and weak, could not fight off the "menacing" poodle and was forced to give up all of his bones until the poodle retreated.

In addition, a farmer named Old McDonald, claims his farm was flooded with children and adults who wanted to see his legendary farm with its many adults. "This boom in business was not to last," says his lawyer, "when people soon discovered that his farm was really a dilapidated old shed with a pig in it, and the McDonald of the rhyme was not this one. People demanded money back - which Mr McDonald had already spent. McDonald is suing the creator of the rhyme for £100,000 for "ruining his life".

SPONSORED MESSAGE: Have you been injured at work or at home? Is it not because of your own blatant stupidity? Wanting to blame someone else and get paid for it? Then call the National Accident Helpline on 0800 376 0195!

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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