The World's Largest Sperm Bank Says "No" To Redhead Deposits

Written by Abel Rodriguez

Friday, 23 September 2011


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Kathy Griffin is furious at the fact that redhead sperm donors are being turned away from sperm banks.

COPENHAGEN, Denmark - France's national news agency Le News is reporting that the largest sperm bank system in the world Wigglies 'R' Us has issued an official directive stating that it will no longer accept any deposits from redheads.

The Director of WRU Reinhold Faxonkoven, 71, told a group of assembled news media that his 500 world-wide sperm banks organization has reached the ultimate capacity as far as redhead sperm goes.

The WRU director, who is a blond, said that he wants it made perfectly clear that the decision is nothing personal against redheads.

He added that his bank continues to send out orders requesting redhead sperm to such places as Laos, Peru, Japan, Arizona, and Lower Zamgola.

Faxonkoven informed Le News reporter Gigi de Maupassant that he received a very mean-spirited and extremely vulgar email from American comedian Kathy Griffin.

He remarked that in the email, which was laden with hardcore expletives, Griffin called him every name in the book from a Danish Dildo to a Viking Twinkie.

He went on to say that Griffin, who is a redhead herself, accused him of trying to act like Adolf Hitler's cousin Bruno Q. Horstheimer, 79, who back in September of 1940, tried to do away with European redheaded, freckled faced, soccer players by rounding them up and flying them over to Cheyenne, Wyoming.

When de Maupassant asked Mr. Faxonkoven to comment on Miss Griffin's utterly, stupid, ridiculously, ridiculous statement he replied that it appears to him that the half century old Griffin is a redheaded skank bitch who needs to find some big horny Southern redheaded stud to put the salami to her until her hair turns purple from the lack of blood going to her heads red haired root system.

ARTICLE SIDENOTE: Mr. Faxonkoven denied reports that Wigglies "R" Us was planning to shut down its sperm bank in Beverly Hills. He noted that his organization actually has plans to open up seven new sperm banks throughout the world between now and Halloween (October 31). Faxonkoven proudly added that all seven new banks will include the newly developed and highly convenient drive-thru window where deposits can be made 24 hours a day.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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