Jackie O's Secret Tapes Reveal A Shockingly Salacious Secret

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Tuesday, 9 August 2011


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While John Kennedy was doing the mattress hoedown with Marilyn Monroe, Jackie Kennedy was sis-boom-bahhhing with Bill Holden.

BOSTON - Jacqueline Bouvier Kennedy was the epitome of a classy political wife. She was married to the president of the United States, the youthful, effervescent John Fitzgerald Kennedy of the Hyannis Port, Massachusetts' Kennedy's.

Jackie, as the civilized world knew her, had movie star good looks along with one of the softest, sexiest, most feminine voices in the soft, sexy, feminine voice department.

That is why it is hard to figure what her husband President John Kennedy could see in the sex-starved Marilyn Monroe that he would risk his marriage by bringing the blonde bombshell actress into the White House.

And not only was Miss Monroe given a personal tour of the White House by the president, she also got to participate with the president in a good old-fashioned mattress hoedown in The Mrs. Abraham Lincoln Commemorative Bedroom.

The word at the time was that Mrs. Kennedy knew about the sordid, animalistic affair but kept it to herself. She figured that it would merely be a one time roll in the hay for John and the batty blonde bitch, as Jackie referred to Monroe.

But one time turned into two, and two turned into three, and three turned into 69, and the numbers just grew and grew until they hit the triple digits.

So it was at that point that Jackie decided to engage in a game of tit for tat (no pun intended). She sat down one night at the White House kitchen table in her sexy sheer black lace baby doll and matching bikini panties, which she had purchased through the mail from Fredericks of Hollywood.

And Jackie began to jot down a list of possible belly bumpers or groin doodlers as they were referred to in the Greater Boston area.

After writing down half a dozen names she then began the process of elimination. And when she finally got down to one name the name that had not been scratched off the list was that of the dashing and debonair movie star William Holden.

Holden had homes in Switzerland, Africa, Milwaukee, Iceland, and Hollywood. He also had a very nice bachelor pad in Washington D.C. that was conveniently located only four minutes from the White House.

And so Jackie, and Billy Boy as she called him, began their tempestuous affair. They began engaging in what Jackie described in a note as a fabulous love affair of sis-boom-bahhhing.

Secret tapes, which had been sitting in a secret vault in a secret location in the President Millard Fillmore Library in Topeka, Kansas, revealed that Mrs. Kennedy and Mr. Holden enjoyed taking on roles of couples from some of Holden's movies.

Jackie would hop into bed and portray the part of Jennifer Jones in Love Is A Many Splendored Thing.

She also enjoyed pretending to be Nancy Kwan in The World of Suzie Wong and she especially loved getting to recite the lines spoken by Sophia Loren in the movie The Key.

And needless to say Bill Holden loved every single second of their "Role" playing.

Larry King has stated that he was personally given a hand written letter by Mrs. Kennedy back in 1976, in which William Holden wrote that in his eyes she was the greatest lover that he had ever had in the movies or in real life.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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