Sarah Palin Apologizes For Saying She Shot A Vampire

Written by Abel Rodriguez

Monday, 8 August 2011

image for Sarah Palin Apologizes For Saying She Shot A Vampire
Sarah Palin shown just moments after she allegedly shot the vampire. (NOTE: Where is the rifle?).

WASILLA, Alaska - The campaign manager and staff of the ex-governor of Alaska Sarah Palin are desperate to try and put her back into the national spotlight.

In recent weeks fellow GOP female Michele "Hairspray" Bachmann has all but taken the focus off of old "Crosshairs" Palin and placed it on her, in spite of the antics of her foot-in-mouth husband Marcus "Glitter Boy" Bachmann.

GOPicky Magazine reported that to make matters even worse it now appears that Arizona's Governor Jan "The Man" Brewer is now contemplating throwing her sombrero (hat) into the mix.

Palin's Tea Party members are not too worried about Brewer and they know that if it comes down to voting for Brewer or Palin the tremendous illegal alien vote will overwhelmingly vote for "La Snowflake."

The Palin camp did have to do a bit of back-pedaling though in regards to Sarah's recent vampire remark. In an interview with Tequila Tallyho of The Left Coast Mirror Magazine, Palin revealed that last week while she was doing a little moose hunting just outside of Juneau she happened upon a vampire.

The ex-future mother-in-law of Levi Johnston said that she had never before seen a vampire in her home state. She said that she watched it as it appeared to be eating what looked like either a squirrel, a woodchuck, a beaver, or a kangaroo.

Palin said that right then and there she had to make a quick decision kind of like the ones she would have to make if she was in the White House. She slowly raised her high-powered telescopic rifle, took careful aim, and fired off a shot.

And boom the vampire fell. "Old Crosshairs" walked over to it and sure enough verified that it was in fact a vampire. She said that the vampire was about eight feet tall and had fangs that looked kind of like Ricky Gervais' teeth but only a lot sharper and much whiter.

Palin immediately called up her good friend and editor of GOPicky Magazine Pandora Pittfickle who dispatched her senior reporter Amos Soursuckle to her home to get the vampire story along with some photographs.

The story was to have appeared in the September issue of GOPicky but a representative for the Republican funded magazine suddenly stated that the story was being pulled.

When asked why, the GOPicky rep suggested that concerned parties contact Sarah Palin and ask her to give them the reason.

Sarah Palin called a press conference at her Wasilla home, Casa Moscow and told the media that she had lied about shooting the vampire.

She went on to say that there never was a vampire and that she had totally fabricated the story at the insistence of two of her top campaign advisors Wadsworth "The Chugster" Buttonwillow and Boris "Beer Nuts" Zutterfurst whom she said have since been fired and are now applying for asylum with the Canadian government.

Palin said that the reason that the story was made up was to get her back in the national spotlight and show the American voters that Palin ain't no sissygirl like Michele Bachmann or Jan Brewer.

In a related story. Sarah Palin is still insisting that her husband Todd is not having an affair with his fishing guide, the gorgeously sexy 28-year-old Nanicka Zapalicka.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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