History Lessons with Sarah Palin

Funny story written by Brett Taylor

Tuesday, 2 August 2011

We are thrilled to present a column by Sarah Palin, who in addition to being an outstanding governor is also noted for her incisive grasp of American history:

The Obamas are not the first people to try to take away our guns. The British tried to refudiate our guns in World War I, and then there was the Chinese in World War II. It is World War II that I'm going to you know, talk about and everything, like a chat, only on the Internet. It's like a tweet, only with words!

It is tempting to say, well, what would happen if we took away the words, "In God We Trust" from the American flag. But look what happened the last time it happened. Fredalyn Franklino Roosevelt was a well known socialist, just like Obama, only he wasn't black, or so they say. And so they took away the words, and right away the Chinese invaded. They came right up to, you know, bombing Pearl Harbor, which they did in Alaska, where Pearl Harbor is, and it's the biggest and most important state, where the most things happen, although Arizona is important too. And then we, as Americans, said, Whoa, hold on here, we aren't going to let this happen here. And so Paul Revere and Babe Ruth, they took up arms and said, Hold up you Commies, you want to take our guns? Well here's some guns for ya, you betcha! And so we shot at those Chinese until they went back home to you know, Thailand.

Can you imagine what Laura Schlesinger would have done if she'd lived back then? She would have shot at those Chinese until there were no Chinese left. Who would Obama cry to then, if he needed, you know, like a shoulder to cry on?

But what did the French do? They said, okay, you know, we're communists too, we surrender. You can take us and you know, bend us over and do what communists do. And what did those Chinese do? They bombed France back into the Stone Age!Serves 'em right!

There are many bad people left today. The Dutch, they are known for dykes. And Norway is known for, well, syphillis.

My family used to sneak into Canada for health care. The Chinese sneaked here too, but they brought bombs with them. We would never do that, but we have enough guns that we don't have to use bombs until we need to. Like in Afghanistan and Iran, where the wars are, but without bombs there can be no rainbows.

I think everyone knows I am strong with history. I know my history, and I have a degree from a university. It's a communications degree and I could be a weatherman. Not that I don't want to be a weatherman, but I could be.

I think the war was also involved with oil. In fact, experts say oil wells were involved. Well, if we'd had more oil drilling World War II wouldn't have happened. And if it happens again, it will be World War II again, only we will call it World War III. If we had more oil drilling today, our seas would be much safer and we could have more fish. Some of them would even be whales! Wouldn't that be a wonderful future for our children, if the politicians in Washington would get together and say, okay, you can have it.

I am sorry if my words have been too candid. I am a candid person and we, have to, you might say, be candid. And so was Paul Revere! Isn't it wonderful we live in a country where people can say, Let's drill oil, and Let's ride around on motorcycles. Because we love the smell of diesel exhaust, no matter what the extreme environemental tell us. But I am have to be candid. You know, only dead fish go with the flow, and they don't vote, even when their guns are taken away.

Next Week: The Story of Dachau Retold by Pat Buchanan

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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