Conservative Group Drops NY Lawsuit Against Gay Marriage, Files Suit Against God

Wednesday, 27 July 2011


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In a surprising turn of events Tuesday morning, the prominent conservative organization New Yorkers for Constitutional Freedom (NYCF) dropped their lawsuit against the New York state government and promptly followed by opening a civil case against God. The charge: negligence.

"We feel that this is the best move to get the ball rolling on this issue," said Eve Adams during a press conference held outside the New York Supreme Court. Ms. Adams is a PR representative for Liberty Counsel, the nonprofit law firm representing NYCF. "Our client feels that the same-sex marriage law is only a symptom of the problem. The true problem lies in the fact that God has sat by and watched these atrocities take place without intervening on our behalf. This suit is an attempt to stimulate a response."

The action comes less than 24 hours after NYCF filed suit against the New York state government, protesting the legal validity of the Marriage Equality Act passed last month and enacted this past weekend. The previous suit sought an injunction against the bill, claiming that actions of the senate during debate sessions went against the laws of the state.

Other conservative organizations had mixed responses to NYCF's bold move.

"I don't know whether to applaud or condemn them," said Jebediah Stain, member of the Conservative Party of New York. "On the one hand, they've got more will to succeed than any of us. On the other, they're bordering on blasphemy. Who knows what the outcome will be."

NYCF-a Christian organization known for their outspoken and staunchly conservative views-has been the frontrunner in the fight against gay marriage for some time now. However, their efforts were dealt a crippling blow last month when the Marriage Equality Act was signed into the state law books.

"I still can't believe the heathen attitude we're dealing with here," said Reverend John Wayne, a member of NYCF. "The entire country's turned into Sodom and Gomorrah. There's no talking to these people, so we decided to take it straight to the man upstairs."

The response to NYCF's suit was almost immediate, with individuals from various conservative and liberal organizations showing up to the Liberty Counsel press conference in droves. Police presence was tripled in the event of a potential riot.

"We at Liberty Counsel and our clients at New Yorkers for Constitutional Freedom are more than willing to work with God to resolve this matter in the most amicable way possible," said Adams, turning her head upwards and speaking to the sky. "We're not here to make judgments, we're just looking for some responsible action."

God could not be reached for comment.

In the face of this controversial decision, many see a spark of hope on the horizon.

"I've been waiting for somebody with some guts to step up to the plate," says forty-four year old Barry Bishop a Brooklyn resident and self-proclaimed Professional Protester. Mr. Bishop is known locally for his outspoken and unshakable stance on every social or political issue and every confrontation he's ever had to deal with, ever. "This is a day I'll hopefully be able to tell my children about when they're older-this last set of children I mean, not the set from my first marriage, they're too old already. And the second set from my second marriage is getting up there too and the youngest ones got autism so I-these new ones I mean, my two and three year old. They'll be delighted to hear how we fought to keep the sanctity of this incorruptible institution intact."

The result remains to be seen.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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