Authorities Fear Copycat Incidents in Penis Dismemberment Case

Funny story written by Patrick Anderson Jr.

Monday, 25 July 2011


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In the aftermath of a vicious and disarming attack against a Southern California man, authorities in Garden Grove, California are warning citizens about what they are calling the "imminent threat of copy cat crimes."

Catherine Kieu Becker's bail was recently set at $1 million in a case which has taken the media by storm. Becker is accused of attacking her husband on the evening of July 11th, allegedly slipping a drug into his food, securing him to the bed they shared in their Garden Grove home, and using a knife to sever his penis. From there, authorities claim Becker tossed the penis in the garbage disposal and turned it on. Officers arriving at the scene were confronted with a wild-eyed Becker, screaming that her husband "deserved it." The couple were in the process of getting a divorce.

Two weeks after the incident, officials fear there could be a delayed and violent aftermath.

"We've received many calls recently indicating there is a large support system for Mrs. Becker," said Captain Richard Chopper in a press conference Friday afternoon. "Many of the calls have been from men who felt they were being threatened in some manner. There's a lot of fearful citizens out there. We are urging men nationwide to be on guard, and to protect their members."

The warning comes in the wake of a flurry of movement in the case against Becker, who is being charged with aggravated mayhem and torture. If convicted, she could face life in prison without the chance of parole.

Charlie Sheen protesting Mrs. Becker's criminal activity.

"She deserves the death penalty," says actor Charlie Sheen with tears brimming in his eyes. Sheen-who has taken up residence in front of the jailhouse where Becker is being held, shouting obscenities and waving sex toys in the air-believes this is an affront against men worldwide. "Can you imagine the brutality? To think of somebody doing that to any man, much less me or a loved one-the thought alone is too much to handle."

Becker's attack comes with an added impact due to its relation to another landmark case. In 1993, Lorena Bobbitt was arrested after severing her husband John's penis and throwing it out of a car window. The incident gained nationwide attention at the time and was said to have spurred a slew of copy cat attacks in its own right. Mrs. Bobbitt was subsequently found not guilty of all charges for reason of insanity. Authorities believe that it is Bobbitt's acquittal and the recent show of support for Becker's actions which could put many men in danger today.

"There are preventative measures you can take," says an obviously distraught Captain Chopper, dabbing sweat from his forehead. "A lot of things men can do to ensure their safety: male chastity belts, sleeping on your stomach, cooking your own meals, being a lot nicer to the women in your life for the next couple of weeks. But above all, if you feel threatened in any way at all, remove yourself from the situation immediately. Go to a local hotel or a homeless shelter, preferably a public place where you cannot be easily found. Don't be afraid to call us. We will get through this crisis eventually, that I promise."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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