THE WHITE HOUSE-In a move that has shocked Beltway pundits and brought tears to the eyes of Gulf Coast region washouts, President George W. Bush has made the ultimate sacrifice a president can make to help victims of Hurricanes Katrina and Rita: He's digging into his own pocket to provide money for those who have lost everything.
The Commander-in-Chief was both humble and pragmatic. "Heck, I'm rich beyond belief, and I got money my grandkids won't even be able to spend, so why should I let it sit around in some bank collecting dust when it can help those poor unfortunates, most of whom are Democrats anyway, and they've always got their hands out whether they're actually destitute or not. And, besides, Laura said it's the right thing to do to restore public approval ratings that haven't exactly been going through the roof.
While Congress got off its dead ass for once and actually did something positive for a change by providing emergency funding in the wake of the meteorological one-two punch, it just hasn't been enough to kick-start the recovery effort and ameliorate local and state officials who are still whining and pointing fingers instead of rolling up their sleeves and getting their own hands dirty in the clean-up. So the president is just doing the logical next right thing.
Refuting his goody-goody, suck-up intentions, Democrats have been quick to accuse the ‘Republican Richie Rich' of using his personal monetary contribution more as a charitable tax write-off than solely a humanitarian gesture. Members of the ‘Liberal persuasion' of both Houses of Congress are outraged at the audacity of George W. to throw his own money at a problem that any Democrat knows only a tax increase can solve.
The president dismisses opposition to his noble act as pure Democrat drivel. "Shoot, y'all, it's nothin' like that. See, I see myself as the modern day Robin Hood, only in this case I'm taking from the rich-me-and givin' it to the poor folks-them, okay?! Besides, I can fork over a whole lot more than the ‘chump change' the Democrats could ever divvy up."
The president is debating various methods of distributing his megabucks to the needy throughout the Gulf Coast. He has agonized over the best way to gain popularity while deflecting national attention away from the less than swift progress on the War on Terror. Topping the list of proposed pay-out plans is flying over refugee sites in Air Force One and hand-dropping hundred dollar bills to the extended hands below.
The exact amount of the president's personal ‘Investment in America' is yet to be determined, but economic analysts see it as a tremendous windfall profit in the long run, as recipients of ‘Bush bucks' will spend most of what they get on overpriced gasoline, thereby putting that much more profit back into George W's pocket. The president is once again illustrating the concept that ‘it takes money to make money.'
