Striking Wisconsin Teachers in Shock! Governor Says They'll Be Forced to Take IQ Test Before Being Allowed Back in Classroom!

Funny story written by Morse

Tuesday, 22 February 2011

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Wisconsin Schools Empty As Striking Teachers Make Taxpayers Sick

Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker ratcheted up pressure on the state's AWOL teachers saying before they can return to the classroom, they will be forced to take an IQ test to prove they can find their ass with both hands.

The teachers, who walked out in contravention of their UNION contract over a dispute pertaining to their GOLDEN pension and health care sweetheart deals have shut down dozens of schools forcing parents to either stay home from work to take care of their kids, or place them in expensive day care centers.

The teachers, who only work about nine months of the year figuring in all paid summer vacations and federal and state holidays, bring home an AVERAGE of $89,000 a year, pay .02% (yes, two tenths of 1 percent) of their health care bill which averages $22k a year including free viagra, butt enhancement, liposuction, adjustable breast augmentation, teeth whitening, and designer prescription sun glasses.

In addition their contribution to their retirement plan is minuscule, and once they retire they are set for life with close to full pay, unlike 93% of the American Taxpayers who are not part of a blood sucking union intent on extracting about $1,000 a year in union dues per teacher so officials can live high off the hog and extract unconscionably lucrative contracts from politicians in exchange for block voting support.

The Governor's bill would ask for a raise in teachers contributions for their health and retirement plans, still less than half of what workers in the private sector pay, and to deal with merit plans for teacher raises and tenure while limiting Union collective bargaining rights which have turned into legalized extortion.

Said Walker, after consulting with mental health experts, "It's obvious that the teachers that walked out have something wrong with them....either they're suffering some kind of mental disorder, or they just don't have the mental capacity to realize that not only are they hurting the kids and themselves, but they're in danger of losing their cushy jobs!"

Adding to the confusion is the fact that 14 democrat state senators have gone on an out of state junket to avoid the state senate having a quorum necessary to enact spending cuts in the state facing $3.6B shortfall.

Unlike the US Congress with a majority of Democrats who passed Obamacare behind closed doors, using bribes and a questionable parliamentary procedure, Republicans in Wisconsin say they will not ram through the bill, but will wait for the Dems to come back to voice their arguments before a vote is taken, which is generally acknowledged in most corners except in the Obama Administration, as the American Way.

Many other bankrupt states are said to be about to follow Wisconsin's lead, one notable exception being Connecticut who's Governor said he will be raising taxes in order to meet Union demands.

In Michigan, leaders in Detroit say rather than ask for concessions they will be closing half of their schools, as nobody was learning anything anyway, recent comprehension tests of 4th and 8th graders resulted in the worst test scores in the history of the nation in charting students progress. It was not know how many teachers would be losing their jobs over the decision, but officials say they will be offering retraining and benefits to those laid off until they can be hired 10 years from now as temporary census takers.

A recent survey taken of Union members, 7% of the private sector workers, and 7.8% of public sector workers, indicated that almost 60% would vote to remove their union heads if they only had the RIGHT TO VOTE, and a like number wanted the right to determine who they would support using their UNION DUES instead of given NO CHOICE to express their choice except at the ballot box.

Adding to the stranglehold on members is the fact that THE STATE automatically deducts union dues from paychecks and acts as a bank for the Unions, another fact that sticks in some member's craw.

Said one disgruntled taxpayer, "Unions performed a valuable service to workers in the past, but their time has come and gone. Union Leaders lost sight of their original goal of offering workers a voice in bargaining. It's all politics now, who's got the votes, who's got the money, and hey, look at me and all the power I've got to control an election!"

"It's not about the kids, and it's sure not about the people working two jobs that have to fund these gravy trains....just look at the numbers and look at Europe & Spain....the cost to the country is unsustainable, people had better get back to basics, and instead of standing there with your hand out, get off your arse and go out and EARN your rights!"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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