Mississippi, Alabama Public Health Officials Quarantine Katrina Refugees

Funny story written by wadenelson

Wednesday, 31 August 2005

image for Mississippi, Alabama Public Health Officials Quarantine Katrina Refugees
Suck them heads!

L.A. (lower alabama) -- Public health officials worst fears have now come true. Refugees from areas utterly destroyed by Hurricane Katrina including New Orleans, Gulfport, and Bilouxi have reportedly spread Cajun recipes and Zydeco music everywhere they went . "Typhus, Cholera, not so much, but the crawfish and etoufee, it's getting ahold of people with no Creole blood whatsoever. Rising waters in the French Quarter caused chef Paul Prudomme along with rival chefs from the Court of Two Sisters and other nightspots to relocate to dryer locales in nearby Mississippi and Alabama, taking with them the secret ingredients for blackened red sauce, gumbo, and jambalaya.

Alabama sharecroppers accustomed to cornbread, black-eyed peas, chitlins, and grits have reported experiencing indigestion and gas the likes of which they never knew were possible. "But that's not stoppin' us from suckin' them heads," said Otis Bredding, sitting on the remains of the dock of Mobile Bay. "It be darn good vittles."

With tourism to the Big Easy shot to hell while they give the city a gigantic stomach pump, and Bilouxi experiencing the blues for the second time this century (the first was 1969), towns like Jackson Mississipi, Tuscaloosa Alabama, Selma, and even Birmingham have gotten "infected" with a desire for firey creole and cajun cooking. "Overcooked collard greens and poke salad's out. Shrimp and redfish is in" said KSPF Reporter Lacy Tialfeather.

Sales of Beausoleil and other zydeco albums, whose lyrics are mostly performed in unintelligible french, have reportedly taken off as Alabamans discover the catchy tunes. "It's high time we put away Lynrd Skynrd," said Mussel Shoals DJ Rick Dees. "That Free Bird done flown."

While storm refugees housed at the Superdome report B.O. levels as a problem increasing exponentially as the days go by, so far, at least, no cholera or diptheria has broken out. "A few cases of STD's here and there said Saints physician Lemecee R. Pecker, but nothing a shot of 'cillin won't treat. But we're gonna have some riots here real soon if they don't fly in some crawfish. These people can only stomach so much stadium food.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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