Written by Abel Rodriguez

Wednesday, 15 December 2010

FLAGSTAFF, Arizona - Cheryl Cole and her boyfriend Derek Hough were in Arizona visiting the Grand Canyon, which many believe will be condemned within the coming year by President Obama.

Cole and Hough were having a great time taking photographs, laughing, and telling Bristol "The Pistol" Palin jokes when a reporter for The Flagstaff Gazette Waver newspaper asked Cole a question about will.i.am.

The reporter identified, as Millard F. Tuggaloo, wanted to know what the English songstress thought about the very personal remarks that the black Black Eyed Peas member had made regarding her.

Cheryl got a puzzled look on her face and said that she had no idea what he was referring to. She was told that when the Peas were in Manchester, England performing at The Rumpy Pumpy Concert Hall that he had remarked backstage that he and her (Cheryl) had played a cute little game of "TSA Pat Down" the last time she was in London.

Cole turned as pink as a pair of shocking pink knickers. She became quite upset and stated quite firmly that will.i.am is nothing but a third-rate performer who is prone to lying and acting like the spoiled little chump that he is.

She went on to say that the lower-cased punk is nothing more than a lower case loser and that she would not go out with him if he offered to pay her $600,000 [£384,000 U.K.]. She then added that she would much rather prefer that big, fat, ugly, Republican volcano Rush Limbaugh to the lower-cased falsehood-spewing twit.

The gorgeous girlfriend of Derek "The Dancing Dude" Hough smiled and added that she had heard from one of the 'lower case boy's' ex-girlfriends that in the winky department Jon "3-Inch" Gosselin had him beat.

Derek laughed and shouted out in an English accent "That's me bloomin beautiful girl!" and Cheryl responded by saying "And you Derek is me one and only bloke (dude) and the only lad (guy) who will ever play the 'TSA Pat Down' game with me, I promise, I duzz."

In other news. The rumor that Camilla Parker Bowles and Amy Winehouse were seen kissing intimately in a car parked near Buckingham Palace have been disproved.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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