In a nationally televised lecture to the parents of fat children, Michelle Obama specifically said that the responsibility of making sure these porky urchins remain slim and trim like her kids cannot be vested solely with the parents, many of whom have bigger butts than even her own.
Citing the fact that most parents try to educate their infernal eating machines of the values of veggies and fruits, but find it impossible to control their appetites for junk foods and sugary beverages when they go to school or hang out at the mall, she said the government must help these parents out.
With her husband looking on with approving eyes, she called for those responsible for stuffing Nature's creatures; bears, lions, tigers, swordfish and tunas, some stuffed so realistically that you can't tell they're dead; but all slim and trim as designed by God, to help out. "Yes," the First Lady implored, "I'm calling for the Taxidermists if this wonderful country to take charge of stuffing our children with the right stuff."
With that said, she left the podium for her typical lunch of fried chicken, cornmeal muffins with lots of butter and two large scoops of Ben and Jerry's.
***Disclaimer***
To be fair to readers, I wish to disclose that one of the twelve Doctorates held by Dr. Billingsgate happens to be in Taxidermy. Although I am an advocate for lean and mean children, I will not be accepting any more child stuffing assignments unless forced by government officials.
