Brawling Santas Mar Hog Jaw Tree Lighting Ceremony

Funny story written by Charpa93

Wednesday, 8 December 2010

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Hog Jaw, Arkansas residents were treated to more than just a friendly Holiday Fair and Tree Lighting Ceremony last weekend when several drunken residents dressed in Santa outfits began arguing over the right to flip the switch on the annual town Christmas tree. The brawl resulted in two arrests and one hospitalization.

Those in attendance at the celebration claim the fight started when Deputy Sheriff, Skippy Appleweather, dressed as an elf, complained to Mayor Humphrey Dumpty that last year he was promised he could light the tree at this year's celebration. The Mayor, however, told Appleweather that since he was dressed as an elf and not a Santa, he was going to have to give the honor to someone else.

The problem this year was the fact that the Hog Jaw Five and Dime Store held a special sale on Black Friday and slashed the price of their De-Luxe 100% Velour Santa Suits in size XXXL to $19.95. Subsequently, there were more than a dozen Santas at the town celebration, most of them drunk and all of them wanting to flip that switch.

Before Dumpty was able to name a Santa to do the honors, Skippy snuck up behind the stage and hit the switch, lighting the tree and starting the biggest brawl the town has seen since Fifi LaRanch, owner of the Hog Jaw Tavern ran out of green beer and had to close the bar a half-hour early on St. Patrick's Day last March.

Since Sheriff Keith Barnes and his other deputies, Sam and Skeeter Spivens were all dressed as Santas and involved in the fighting, the Sheriff from neighboring Drippy Dick County had to be called in to break up the brawl. After all was sorted out, two Santas were arrested.

In addition, Edna Farkle, owner of Edna Farkle's Arthur Murray Dance Studio suffered head and neck injuries after she was seen trying to pass between the fighting Santas to get herself a corn dog and a Coca-Cola at the Sons of the Confederacy Hot Dog stand. Edna was taken by ambulance to Squirrel Holler County Hospital where she was listed in fair condition (no pun intended).

Reported by Malverna C. Charpa, Special Events Writer for the Hog Jaw Daily News

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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