Wild brush, fences flee Texas in anticipation of President Bush's vacation

Funny story written by Jack Loftus

Thursday, 4 August 2005

image for Wild brush, fences flee Texas in anticipation of President Bush's vacation
"Brushrunners," or those men who brave the law to save tubmleweed, are seen here crossing the Rio Grande.

CRAWFORD, Texas - The sight that played out earlier this week was unprecedented as hundreds of thousands of tumbleweeds, loose patches of brush and a handful of broken fences fled the state of Texas in anticipation of the beginning of President Bush's vacation.

Highways and local roads were choked with congestion and weeds as the refugees fled the oncoming war the president had promised before boarding Air Force One.

"It was like a war zone or somethin'," said local convenience store owner Cylde McCleeveus. "I didn't mind all the traffic though, these nice leafy fellas near cleaned my store out of fertilizer, water and gardening equipment."

There was no immediate word as to where the wave of Crawford refugees were headed, although early, unconfirmed reports had portions of the group heading across the Mexican border and into Central America, where the newly passed CAFTA bill would provide them with jobs in the potted plant and ocean erosion protection fields.

While the size of the migration was massive, a few stragglers were found to be making their final stand against the president.

One tumbleweed, who did not wish to be identified, firmly stated that he and his sapling offspring were "not going anywhere" even as Air Force One could be seen landing in the distance.

"If the president wants to tend me off of his lands then he is going to have to pry the earth from my cold, dead roots," the stalwart weed said.

The tumbleweed had a formidable array of thorns and pricklers about his person in anticipation of the attack that would surely come form the president, but even then the brave weed was less than optimistic about his families' chances.

"I realize that my meager defenses may not be enough to stop the president and his brand new Carnhartt hunting suit, but I hope the site of me being hacked and tended will be enough to incite some kind of movement to save the few remaining brush patches that remain in the wake of this vegecidal maniac."

There was also some concern amongst amnesty groups that the un-mended fences would not make it out of the Crawford war zone in time. Unlike the tumbleweed faction, which can be carried out of town as fast as the wind blows, the fences were in poor shape and could only hobble and limp along the roadside.

"Sure we could get mended and this would all go away, but I don't want to give that man the satisfaction," said A. Fence.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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