Chicago Shortage of Fish & Newspapers as Emanuel Sends Messages to Rivals!

Funny story written by Morse

Friday, 29 October 2010

image for Chicago Shortage of Fish & Newspapers as Emanuel Sends Messages to Rivals!
Rahm Sends Message to Opponents: "Thanks for Dropping Out!"

Fish mongers couldn't keep up with demand it was noted today, and issues of the Chicago Tribune were hard to find as Mayoral Candidate Rahm Emanuel continues to send out 'personal gift wrapped messages' to all those intent on opposing him in the upcoming Godfather Election for the office of Mayor.

Not even Jesse Jackson, Jr., who Emanuel has more dirt on than a Chicago Sewer Worker, has dared to venture forth as a candidate since the former ballet dancer, Mossad Agent, and Obama Hit Man has come back home to the Windy City.

Even a gutsy elected Sheriff picked as a strong candidate, looking pale, wan, and terrified, announced his decision to not be a candidate since "the safety and well being of my family comes first."

Inside sources said Emanuel has promised a "Mexican Car Wash Party' for anyone who opposes him in the upcoming election and reportedly has a platoon of tough ex mossad agents already on the payroll, as well as a few token Acorn thugs who will be tasked with insuring 'integrity at the polls."

In addition to taking over the city, Rahm has also been tasked with insuring that Barry's buddy, Alexi Giannoulias the crooked banker involved in the Broadway Bank Scam, gets elected to Obama's old senate seat recently kept warm by "Burr Head" Burris, a political hack who never won an election and who was appointed by disgraced Gov Blagojevich.

Alexi is said to be 'a decent basketball player' who enjoys Barry's company "in or our of court."

Speaking of Blago, he's been promised amnesty, and his trial has been moved back to well after the midterms, and also after the mayoral election is decided (sic). Keeping Blago in the Bag all but insures that no mud will be slung against Fixer Emanuel, and the Big Kahuna now residing in Washington.

Not for nothing, it was just announced today that Chrysler (!) will be building a $600m plant somewhere in ILLINOIS to manufacture cars that get 40 mpg (they lie) and will produce some 600 jobs!

Government motors also announced a large multi-million dollar plant expansion to build....crescendo builds....the world's SMALLEST CADILLAC!

Both bankrupted companies are now owned by the government and run for a share of the profits, by unions, and paid for by US Taxpayers.

As one downstate taxpayer said, " I can't see Chicago from my back yard, but I can sure SMELL it!"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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