Christian Coalition Claims More Work Needed to Meet Apocalypse Deadline of 12/21/2012

Funny story written by Charpa93

Tuesday, 31 August 2010

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Pat Robertson, founder of the Christian Coalition of America has said lately that he is sorely disappointed in America's Christians of late. Robertson claims that the fundamentalist Christian movement is not moving nearly fast enough on certain initiatives to bring about Armageddon within the time frame he believes is set out in the Bible.

Robertson claims that above all else Christianity should have been spread throughout at least 90% of the world by now and "we aren't anywhere near that figure." Robertson blames the Muslim faith for most Christians' inability to convert the entire world population to Christianity. "They're a tough bunch," said Robertson. "We've gone into their countries with our weapons in hopes of smoking them out, to make them fear us enough to convert, but they just aren't budging. It's a real sticky-wicket," he said. He's also concerned over the rise in atheists, but says that it's not necessarily a bad thing due to the fact that it was predicted in the end times that there would be more atheists. While he abhors atheism, Robertson sees it as a necessary evil.

On the positive side, Robertson said that incidences of egregious behaviors in America have risen dramatically. "Abominations are on the rise," said Robertson, "and that does signal that we are on the right track, that the Anti-Christ is among us and working his magic as we speak. Glory be to God that these end times are upon us, but we have to speed it up."

Robertson is calling upon every Fundamentalist Christian to do what they can to bring about as much strife and upheaval as they can so that the Apocalypse can begin on schedule. He put it this way "The sooner we get the party started and destroy this wicked world, the sooner we can wrap it up and get on that peace train to Heaven."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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