Federal agents and detectives from the American KFC, surrounded a house in Little Egg Harbor last night. A small township in Ocean County, NJ. They wanted to question the lone resident at the property. A ninety year old who is the only living relative of the Jersey Devil.
Jersey Devils'aunt Lucy Furr reportedly is the only person with knowledge as to the whereabouts and reasons why Sal Monella harbors so much hate against eggs and chickens.
She willingly offer the following statement to the investigators.
Sal's parents were big football fans, Their favorite football team was The Philadelphia Eagles. One Easter Sunday they decided to participate in the annual Pine Barrens Easter Hunt. Sal Monella's mother and father who were identical twins from South Philadelphia gave each other brand new Eagles sweatshirts for their birthday and were wearing them that Sunday.
The Monellas were far into the Pine Barrens when a nearby Piney who was also participating in the egg hunt screamed "fire"!
When they saw the flames and smoke getting closer the Identical married twins panicked. They had being together since they were fertilized and could not risk to lose each other nor ruin their beautiful Eagles white and green sweatshirts.
They had their hands full with the hunted eggs they had collected.
Little Sal has always been a burden to his parents, he was an ugly looking mo-fo with an untreated cleft palate, bow-legged and severely pigeon toed. This was a perfect time to get rid of the little bastard without getting into any legal problem. They decided to leave Sal behind.
Sal screams were totally ignored.
For three days Sal ate hard boiled eggs, most of them were rotten with a greenish-gray ring around them. The continuous egg diet led to a permanent case of rotten eggs breath. He did not exhale carbon dioxide any longer, for the rest of his life he would exhale Hydrogen Sulfide. This combined with a permanent Methane Sulfide flatulence condition and the fact that his parents cared more about a sweatshirt with a bird logo than him created a permanent hate for anything bird related.
After the third day Sal passed out. He woke up two days and found himself on the arms of the Jersey Devil who eventually nursed him to health.
The Jersey Devil enrolled Sal in the Pinelands School system. he dropped out after a couple of years.
His Piney classmates were all Philadelphia Eagles fans and they hated Sal. They called him names like "Sulfide Sal", "Skunk Monella" or "No Monetta Monella.
They threw rotten eggs at him and called him a bowlegged chemical weapon.
According to Lucy Furr that's how it all started. She told the investigators that the Pineland school system has quite a bit information about Monella.
