Pasadena, Calif. - A growing number of Star Wars fans are reaching an uncomfortable conclusion: they are living in the wrong galaxy and at the wrong time. Master Fleet Starman [a.k.a. Peter Warren], is one of these people.
Dressed in a flowing crimson robe, Starman, along with half a dozen associates, gather outside the NASA Jet Propulsion Laboratory (JPL) in Pasadena, California, every day. "We are the last remnants of the Jedi Order and once great Rebel Alliance and consider ourselves a displaced people. We are refugees here in you time and space due to a rift in the space-time continuum."
Princess Nova Spacebeam [a.k.a. Sheila Barker], explained the groups goals. "We want the US government to afford us the treatment they would any other displaced people who are on these shores and yearn for nothing more than to return home. All we are asking is for Dr. Elachi [the director of the JPL] to allow us to use the time machine."
Inside the facility, Dr. Elachi was not happy to be discussing the group's demands. "Listen," he said, "those kooks are out there every day. Some of them are here twenty-four hours a day sleeping in that nutty van of theirs. We try to be understanding, bringing them coffee now and again and have certainly been happy to welcome them on public tours of the facility, but the time machine is only in its early stages of development and not safe for human testing. Ha! I got you!"
George Lucas, the man behind the Star Wars myth, was troubled upon learning of the JPL group. "I know that there are many people for whom Star Wars has become an organizing factor in their lives," he said. "I am asked to speak at fan club meetings and conventions all of the time, but I never do. I also hear about people like this, who have taken a good thing and gone too far. Poor dumb bastards."
Until the JPL invents a time machine, or a rescue mission is sent from that long ago and far away galaxy, Starman, Spacebeam and the others will have to make due with life here on earth; clearly not a pleasant prospect for these true believers.
Back in the parking lot, Starman was instructing others in the ways of the Force (in the Star Wars saga, the Force is a mysterious energy that binds all living things). "No, no Padawan," he shouted, smashing the wooden stave that served as a light saber on the ground for emphasis, "don't look, - feel, you need to feel the Force flowing through you."
Starman walked back to the van shaking his head. "We need to be ready for the day we are called home. I just hope we have the strength to make it," he said sadly.
