Da Vinci Code Sequel Revealed

Funny story written by Stu B

Friday, 11 February 2005

image for Da Vinci Code Sequel Revealed
Constable's Haywain

Literary legend, phenomenon and number one best selling author Dan Brown today unveiled the plot of the sequel to his historically successful novel "The Da Vinci Code". Fans will be pleased to hear that the erudite Robert Langdon returns with another action packed yet lofty adventure.

The new novel is due for release in September of this year, hints have been made before about the plot with conjecture often centred around an enigmatic statue. All of which confirms Brown, to have been an elaborate red herring.

"There has been a long tradition in thrillers to lay down false clues and literary ‘sleight of hand" said Brown " and we are proud to have continued and updated that tradition, but the time has come to set the record straight and whet the appetite of my fans"

This time round, Brown revealed in an exclusive interview with The Spoof, that his new plot unfolds another intriguing mystery. While in Suffolk, England on holiday, Harvard symbologist Robert Langdon witnesses a terrible accident at a tea shop in SouthWold: an elderly naturist suffers a fatal wound with a bacon slicer. Near the body, police find a baffling cipher. Solving the enigmatic riddle whilst finishing his teacake, Langdon is stunned to discover it leads to a trail of clues hidden in the works of the English landscape genius Constable…clues visible for all to see…and yet ingeniously disguised by the painter.

Langdon joins forces with a beautiful local girl and gifted mathematician, Carol Vorderman, and learns the naked bacon slicer was a member of the secret organisation known as Ipswich Rotarians-an actual secret society whose members included Oliver Cromwell, Jamie Oliver, Rolf Harris and John Constable, among others. The Suffolk sandwich maker had sacrificed his life to protect the Rotarians most sacred trust: the location of a vastly insignificant box of secret toupees, hidden for centuries.

In a breathless race through Ipswich, Felixstowe, Colchester, Hatfield Peverel and beyond, Langdon and Vorderman match wits with a faceless yet ginger powerbroker who appears to work for The Chelmsford Sorting Office -a clandestine, post office backed sect believed to have long plotted to seize the Rotarians secret. Unless Langdon and Vorderman can decipher the labyrinthine puzzle in time, the Rotarian's secret-and a cunning hysterical wig-will be lost forever.

In an exhilarating blend of relentless adventure, scholarly intrigue, and cutting wit, symbologist Robert Langdon (first introduced in Dan Brown's bestselling Angels & Demons) is the most original character to appear in years. THE CONSTABLE CONUMDRUM confirms a new breed of lightening-paced, intelligent thriller…surprising at every twist, absorbing at every turn, and in the end, utter tripe…right up to its astonishing conclusion and showdown with evil nemesis and keeper of the Syrup Bruce Forsythe.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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