Police say that Jaleel White, the man who spent years playing "Urkel" on "Family Matters", and the subsequent years proving that he was the giant douchebag he portrayed, is being investigated for allegedly punched Bridget Hardy, his baby's mother, in one of her breast implants while they were driving on Pacific Coast Highway two weeks ago, with an infant in the car.
Later, once they arrived home, White allegedly slapped her, and pushed her into a toilet so hard it broke the tank.
The implant is currently in critical but stable condition. Surprisingly, Gary Coleman's ex-wife Shannon Price has shown a copy of the implant's Will, which she says bequeaths the titty-balloon's estate to her.
Said a police spokesman, "Police are actively seeking Mr. White concerning an alleged crime. There is also an outstanding warrant regarding a charge of Felonious Overacting and Aggravated Mugging For the Camera under the "David Caruso Act of 2009."
With Urkel under arrest, this leaves Marus T. Paulk and Tia Mowry as the only child actors never to be arrested.
White's lawyer has publicly stated that the allegations are untrue: "This is just a ploy in an ongoing custody battle over their young daughter to tarnish his name. Further, where was Stefan Urquelle at the time of the alleged beating?"
