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Funny satire stories about Implants

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Apple Develops Corneal Implant For First Eye-Phone, Samsung Announces Announcement

Funny story: Apple Develops Corneal Implant For First Eye-Phone, Samsung Announces Announcement

Apple engineers have unveiled a miniature phone and screen developed for direct implant into the cornea. The new Eye-Phone will offer users convenience unparalleled in the history of phone gadgetry. Even with eyes closed consumers will be able to...

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Is The Guilt Chip® Right For You?

If you're a mother like me, you have always hoped that you can instill strong self-confidence, a sense of security and an innate feeling of guilt in your child. There were nights I went to check on my son in his crib, watching him sleep and worrying that he would grow up to be someone who didn't feel guilty for the 18 hours of labor he had put me through. That wasn't something I worried about afte...

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Didn't he ever hear of Viagra?

Funny story: Didn't he ever hear of Viagra?

DANBURY, Conn. (AP) - Police say a Danbury woman and a surgeon were charged after her 39 year old husband was punished with an electric shock device implanted in his penis intended to end a long-time affair. Forty-three-year-old Yolanda Montanez i...

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Microchipping of London 2012 hookers outsourced to Barking vets

Funny story: Microchipping of London 2012 hookers outsourced to Barking vets

Isle of Dogs - The £2 million former NHS contract will see all available prostitutes working the lucrative London Olympics turf microchipped following extensive medical tests. Emergency legislation means the scheme can be extended from pet dogs, c...

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COO melamine aspartame scare smokes out secret bar code chip implants for the elite

Funny story: COO melamine aspartame scare smokes out secret bar code chip implants for the elite

GENEVA, Switzerland - Hot on the heals of the country of origin (COO) secret melamine bar code revelation comes an even more shocking cover-up than last reported. "Not fair", is the plaintive cry of industry associations in response to revelatio...

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Bionic Lens Available In 10 Years

Scientists agree bionic lenses will be available in the next 10 years and commercial concerns are already queuing up to take advantage. Aside from the obvious applications the lens which fits over your eye offers: SatNav directions and assembly instructions, all beamed straight to the eye. Other ideas are now being suggested like: the one from Barnstable's 'Eye Eye Lovely' called an 'X-Ray Eye...

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Pippa Middleton buttock falsies all the rage

London - "At this stage we simply don't know if they're surgical implants," one ogler commented, "or polystyrene slip-ins, part of some designer thong. "Still, it's the only sartorial topic on most blokes' minds, like, watching Pip sashay up the A...

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Kim Kardashian Signs Deal With Implant Manufacturer

Funny story: Kim Kardashian Signs Deal With Implant Manufacturer

Recently named as having the "Best Butt" in the world for 2010, Kim Kardashian has just inked an agreement with Meddiplant Corporation to produce a full line of butt-implants for the "caboose challenged", as Kim likes to call it. Working closely...

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Breast Implant Explodes

Funny story: Breast Implant Explodes

Harry Caster, through his attorney C. Brewton Collier revealed today that a family Thanksgiving Dinner was ruined when a "breast implant" was discovered in their turkey. "It was devastating for the family," Collier stated, "You can just imagine, t...

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911 Call: Urkel Just Punched Me In The Sweater-Meat.

Police say that Jaleel White, the man who spent years playing "Urkel" on "Family Matters", and the subsequent years proving that he was the giant douchebag he portrayed, is being investigated for allegedly punched Bridget Hardy, his baby's mother, in...

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Joe Biden Admits His Man Boobs Are Implants

Funny story: Joe Biden Admits His Man Boobs Are Implants

United States Vice President Joe Biden admitted on Monday that his man boobs are actually breast implants. Biden said that the surgery was done last year by a Boston plastic surgeon before his abortive run for the Presidency. Said Biden, "The i...

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Katie Price Contemplates Leg Implants.

Funny story: Katie Price Contemplates Leg Implants.

Katie Price, aka former glamour model Jordan reacted badly when she was shown recorded footage of herself in 'I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here', the crap reality TV show presented by Ant and Dec. Katie, aka Jordan was horrified by TV images whic...

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Carrie Prejean Proud of Her Christian Implants

Funny story: Carrie Prejean Proud of Her Christian Implants

In multiple interviews this past week, ousted California beauty queen, Carrie Prejean says that she is "proud" of her breast implants and that they fall under, or more appropriately stated, rise to the guidelines set forth by her church leadership.

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Fruit flies infest White House

Funny story: Fruit flies infest White House

The White House was closed this weekend while attendants fumigated the president's offices for a pest infestation.

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Computer dreams

Funny story: Computer dreams

Dozens of brave souls in America and Japan have undergone brain surgery to implant hardware that allows customized dreams and heads-up Internet on demand.

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Muchi Hai upgrades to video brain implant

Funny story: Muchi Hai upgrades to video brain implant

(Tokyo) Earlier this year Muchai Hai became the first person to receive a commercial neural implant capable of receiving cell phone calls controlled by her thought...

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Disney kicks Muchi Hai out of park

Funny story: Disney kicks Muchi Hai out of park

(Tokyo) The first commercial recipient of an implanted cellular telephone, Muchi Hai, was visiting the local Disneyland when staff asked her to leave the park for...

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Brain implant procedure approved for general population

Funny story: Brain implant procedure approved for general population

Cyberkinetics Inc. of Foxboro, MA, has received Food and Drug Administration approval to expand its use of brain implants to include elective surgery. "Disabled people will no longer be the only ones that can benefit from being able to control t...

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Jabba the Trump

I find when I watch cable news in the morning, I much prefer watching Donald Trump talk with the volume off. Imagine an orange Jabba the Hutt as a talentless mime.
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