A spokeswoman says all eight people, and a big f--king Fiberglass duck, taken to a Philadelphia hospital after the duck capsized have been treated and released.
The Osage Avenue Memorial Hospital spokeswoman says 10 people were taken there after Thursday afternoon's collision between the duck and a barge. Two refused treatment, ostensibly because of embarrassment.
Police say searchers are looking for a 16-year-old girl and a 20-year-old man believed to have been aboard the duck. The ducks can travel seamlessly on land and sea, will eat popcorn and small bits of Wonder Bread thrown in the water, and have tiny little Fiberglass ducks swimming behind them.
The duck had driven into the water just after 2:30 p.m. and suffered a mechanical problem and a small fire, officials said. It was struck about 10 minutes later by a barge used to transport sludge, then sank.
"Yeah, 10 minutes," said Officer Ahmed Adoodie, who watched the really, really slow collision from the safety of a boat the wasn't shaped like a f--king waterfowl.
"Those sludge barges travel really slow. They started blowing their horn right away. Everyone in the duck could've just jumped overboard and swam away."
Police said crews would attempt to recover the vehicle on Thursday at the earliest, in order to retrieve the Duck's Ass Data Recorder, or "brown box".
Officials said the barge was owned by the city and being directed by a tugboat owned by Stupid Tourist Traps Transportation of East Brunswick, N.J.
The city Water Department uses the barge to transport sludge from a sewage plant in Northeast Philadelphia to fertilize crack dens in West Philly, said a City spokeswoman.
Passengers board the ducks at Independence Hall, a national landmark where the Declaration of Independence was signed, and are driven on a tour of Old City. Afterward they ride into the Delaware River from a ramp south of the Ben Franklin Bridge, just like drunk drivers leaving Dave and Busters on Columbus Boulevard.
The sites seen along the 70-minute voyage include Penn's Landing, Adventure Aquarium across the river in Camden, the Liberty Bell, Ben Franklin's gravesite and the back of other stupid Fiberglass boats shaped like ducks for which idiot tourists pay $25.00 for the privilege.
A duck sank at Hot Springs, Ark., on May 1, 1999, killing 13 of the 21 people aboard after its bilge pump failed. The National Transportation Safety Board blamed inadequate maintenance and recommended that duck boats have backup flotation devices.
In June 2002, four people were killed when an amphibious tour boat, the Lady Duck, sank in the Ottawa River near Canada's Parliament.
Despite the fact that these homicidal ducks have killed more people than Raoul Moat could in ten lifetimes, they continue to be used to bloat Philadelphia's cash-coffers.
Some of the vehicles are amphibious military personnel carriers dating back to World War II that have been restored, reconditioned and turned into asinine-looking giant f--king ducks for peacetime use.
