Ann Coulter attacks Philadelphia man who lost wife, daughter to swine flu

Funny story written by The San Francisco Onion

Saturday, 9 May 2009

image for Ann Coulter attacks Philadelphia man who lost wife, daughter to swine flu
Perhaps Coulter feels bad about the incident, as witnesses observed her to have "a long face."

PHILADELPHIA, PA - At a press conference in a Philadelphia Airport hotel Friday, Ann Coulter shrugged off the raging swine flu epidemic as a "sham" and a "liberal hoax."

Coulter had just arrived in the City of Brotherly Love to promote her latest kick-in-the-groin to the literary world, titled Polemics: Getting Medieval on Liberals. In it, she proposes that this latest "health scare reform issue" is contrived by the left as a way to extort nationalized health care out of America.

"Not one of these swine flu cases is even real," she said. "It's just the regular flu, but they attach some exotic name to it and tell you people are dying from it, and the next thing you know, liberal idiots in Washington are securing the rights of every single American to affordable health care from the day they are born."

A man whose wife and daughter had actually died of the swine flu just 3 day earlier spoke up, but Coulter immediately attacked him. "How do we know they didn't die to get away from you? Your wife was probably going to divorce you, anyway," Coulter shrilly proclaimed. "I mean, just look at you, trying to use their deaths to your advantage, making everyone feel sorry for you. It sickens me."

A group of demonstrators spontaneously formed, filling the courtyard of Byzantine Suites Philadelphia as they protested the Crown Princess of Confrontation's presence in their fair city. Quickly numbering in the thousands, the activated citizenry made signs out of anything they could find, emblazoned with impromptu phrases like 'Get the Ph*ck out of Philly,' 'No, thanks. I already have a toothpick,' and 'No Brotherly Love for THIS Sister.'

At one point, the chanting crowd grew so large that everyone's breath combined nearly blew the bony b*tch back to Boston.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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