Orlando, FL- Juan Esposito's bold move during this morning's rush hour paid huge dividends as he successfully sent a witty text message to his work buddy in response to his equally witty initial text.
"I heard my phone beep and I instantly knew I had a text message. I was doing about 75mph on I-4 and read the text after about three glances. It was surreal, I would glance at the road, then my phone, the road, my phone...I was mentally drained by the end of the message. Once I read the actual text I had to respond immediately and at all costs. That's when my instincts took over."
Esposito said he flew blind for a few moments by hitting some buttons based on feel. After a few frustrating moments with the auto text, he started his first draft.
"Again, it was road, phone, road, phone. To improve my efficiency and safety, I raised the phone to eye level. Working the abc letters was simple, but things got tricky the deeper I went on the touch pad. I felt the situation could have easily spiraled out of control once I decided that 3 exclamation points were necessary to show my frustration. By the end I memorized exactly how many times I needed to tap the #1 digit."
A heavily congested area near Maitland slowed things down just enough to complete the task.
"Once I got into it, I incorporated my left knee to assist in steering so I could concentrate more on my text. It wasn't all perfect though, I definitely scared the hell out of some Asian dude in a Camry when I did a little swerving towards the end of the message."
The message was simply but spoke volumes about an office politics hot button topic. The message read:
I know, what a bitch!
Like she could do r jobs! Ugh!
The "bitch" in question, 46 year old Marlene Dwyer. A middle manager by trade, Marlene feels like she is about to lose her job any day and as a result has become very loud and public with her negative opinions of the other office workers. Bill from accounting calls this her "Hey Everyone: If I'm Loud & Bitchy Enough, People Will Think I Really Care" routine.
"Personally, I just think it's a lack of confidence in her own abilities," said Bill as he sipped coffee from his corporate logo mug.
Over the past few months Marlene's quality of work has been lacking but you'd never know from her loud commentary at staff meetings.
Her latest rant was directed at Mr. Esposito and his upcoming trip to visit the Boston account. Marlene was preaching about this being a waste of company resources and how the entire trip was a secret plan for Mr. Esposito to visit some family members on the company dime while calling it a business trip.
Although half true, it still wasn't her place to get involved. Rumor around the office is that the Boston account specifically requested that she no longer visit their branch, which no doubt is not sitting well with Marlene.
Her action's at yesterday's 5pm meeting were summed up in this initial text:
I heard Queen bitch is trying to
shoot dwn ur trip to Beantown,
y is she stiking her nose in ur
bizness anyway?
The big payoff came about 10 minutes later when Mr. Esposito came into the coffee room to put his lunch in the fridge and ran into his text pal getting a cup of coffee. Because of their earlier correspondence, all that was needed to be said was, "I know, right, unbelievable man, unbelievable." A quick eye roll and a gentle shake of the head was enough to seal the deal.
If that text wasn't delivered, four, possibly five sentences would have been necessary to convey their position about queen bitch. Not to mention the threat of the queen herself overhearing their crass conversation and reporting it to Carol in HR.
Well played texting duo. You put other drivers in harms way but it all worked out in the long run.
Good luck with the ice queen, LMAO!
