"This is torture," cried out Dick Cheney on Fox News last night. "I never thought I would see the day when Americans would torture another human being. I am shocked, shocked, shocked!" In a separate press release issued late last night, Liz Cheney stated: "Me too, me too, me too!"
It was a scene like no other yesterday in Washington DC, as a committee of the United States Congress water boarded a private citizen of a foreign country. Additional reports began circulating that the BP CEO and his staff were then taken to the cloak room of the Democrats caucus, made to strip, and lay on top of each other in sexually explicit poses. Photos were taken showing the legislators grinning and pointing at the BP executives.
Reaction was mixed as civil libertarians expressed shock and many mainstream liberals expressed awe. The British expressed outrage. Reports from the UK say the Queen was shocked and disgusted when shown the photos. She told an aide to procure several copies of the pictures and was heard to say, "Yeeeoooowww, did you see that Hayward, who'd of ever thunk it!"
Republicans in Congress are reportedly calling for an investigation and offering copies of the photos through the RNC website. The ad reads, "buy one, get one free and while the supply lasts, an exclusive 8 x 12 photo of Tony Hayward."
When asked his reaction to the furor, Tony Hayward, CEO of BP said to a member of the House Committee, "I don't know. I really don't recall. Was I there? We'll have to get back to you. Anyway, my bad, my bad, my bad. Excuse me now, the Queen has asked me to report to Buckingham Palace at once!"
In related news, the Republican Caucus escorted Representative Joe Barton, of Texas, to the Washington Mall and buried him up to his neck near an infestation of fire ants. Before wishing him well, the caucus members poured a jar of clover honey over his head.
