Florida Homeowners' Association Bans Dead Leaves

Funny story written by BillBritton

Saturday, 12 June 2010


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image for Florida Homeowners' Association Bans Dead Leaves
Leaf in the process of dying

Special to INS - Pierre Saber, president of the Verde Dandé Homeowners' Association, a 55+ community on Florida's Gulf Coast, announced that the VD board of directors has passed a series of innovative by-laws designed to protect the community's home values.

"We see the dead-leaf issue as one that has plagued the community for years," said Saber. "Of course dead palm fronds are unsightly as well, and like all dead things, they should be given a proper Christian burial. To this end, the association has purchased vacant lot 35, now designated Special Holy Interment Terrain, or SHIT for short."

Other by-laws changes include these measures: reducing maximum grass height from 3.87 to 3.66 inches, prohibiting residents from wearing or playing Grateful Dead-related material between 10:00 pm and 8:00 am, prohibiting topless or bottomless (or both) swimming in residents' pools unless the participants have a body-mass index (BMI) of less than 25, and requiring residents to install speed bumps in driveways.

A referendum to determine homeowner approval of the new by-laws found 57% in favor, 46% against, and 33% undecided (22% made two or more selections). Eighty-eight-year-old Levi Troll, a former Navy captain and chairman of the HOA's Nitti Gritty Committee, which formulated the changes, expressed his reaction to the vote: "This is an example of oligarchy in action. I see this as a new beginning for Verde Dandé. At the next committee meeting, I'm going to propose that all 139 homes in the community be painted battleship grey and that razor wire be strung around its borders to keep out undesirables like alligators, kids, and Democrats."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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