Written by P.M. Wortham

Tuesday, 1 June 2010

image for Tipper Gore Dumps Al for Real Inventor of the Internet
"I'm spouseless and now I have even less of a personality, if that is humanly possible"

Sharing a warm and fuzzy "Adios" as they lifted a finger in salute to one another while leaving their residence in separate cabs, Tipper Gore, wife of the self proclaimed inventor of the Internet, has left hubby Al for true Internet maven, Tim Berners-Lee.

Splitting after 40 years of marriage, insiders to the Gore family say that Tipper was clearly sick of Al taking credit for everything from the discovery of Global Warming to the invention of the home-use coffee pot. In a recent interview with Fox News, Al Gore even claimed that he was the driving force behind the Parents Music Resource Center, which Tipper had actually championed, misguided as the effort was. Quiet Riot and the Jane's Addiction vulgar? We think not. Well, OK, maybe, but step off their first amendment rights, eh?

Saddling up to the real inventor of the Internet, Tipper has been seen with another lackluster personality in Tim Berners-Lee, while out in social settings around the Boston area. Close friend and confidant to Tipper, Millicent "Muffy" Rosencranz, says that the new couple is very happy though Berners-Lee has about as much personality as a brown paper bag. "At least this guy actually accomplished what he says he did", says Rosencranz. "If Tim tells Tipper he's going to produce something that is 8 inches long and 2 inches wide, there's a good chance it's the truth. That Al was such a putz, in more ways than one".

Reportedly feeling a bit emasculated after the announcement of the split, Al began to make additional declarations to anyone who would listen, including wild claims that he had invented things like the "semi-colon", and "pasta in the shape of a wagon wheel". Much like in his role as Vice President, nobody took him seriously.

Tipper and Tim have yet to make any formal announcement about the permanency of their relationship, though locals reported seeing them shopping for cake and wedding invitations. She has semi-officially listed her name as Mrs. Tim "Tipper" Berners-Lee-Gore". She plans to champion discarded and underprivileged Hamsters, abandoned by children of today's throw away society. The Berners-Lee-Gore initiative will be called, the Foundation for Equal Love in the Caring of Hamsters or FELCH for short.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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