U.S. Marines Lampoon Truman's Integration Plans

Funny story written by funwithwords

Friday, 14 May 2010

image for U.S. Marines Lampoon Truman's Integration Plans
Private First Class Wilson: "WooHoo, We're All Nigs Now!"

West Germany, April 1, 1948 -- As rumors continue to swirl concerning President Truman's pursuit of full integration and equality of Negroes within the U.S. military, some units have taken to relieving their pent-up frustration through humorous 8mm short-films intended for family members back in the States.

One such unit, which has produced a popular spoof film lampooning the subject (as seen on national television, as well as heard on various radio stations around the country, including internationally, as well as numerous newspaper and magazine articles around the globe) involves a platoon of Marines stationed in post Third Reich West Germany.

Many of these Marines are combat hardened grunts who've witnessed first-hand the conscience-shocking atrocities both of war, and in liberating the frail sea of humanity from the angry grips of Fascism.

Yet, despite the arduous rigors of their profession, and whilst utilizing "every moment of spare time available," these Marines have produced a short-film that has captured the imagination of a sizable portion of the American populous.

Scenes in the popular film feature these Marines complete with black-face make-up, exaggerated lips, and scary postures, including scenes of watermelons and steamed collard greens with bar-b-que chicken neck and gizzards being served in the chow hall.

Another scene depicts several black-faced Marines commandeering white water fountains and white restrooms, as well as scenes of black-faced Marines forcing white Marines to the back of a local bus, whilst yet another scene shows an imposingly large and frizzly-haired silhouette abducting a white Marine's petite wife in the cover of darkness.

The short-film climaxes with a terrifyingly large black-faced Private, apparently high on marijuana, busily sodomizing a much smaller white Corporal just after the Corporal accidentally drops a bar of soap in a much talked-about shower scene.

To many Americans, these Marines are heroes bravely standing up to be heard, perhaps risking everything in the process. As one "actor" in the film noted: "Cain't nobody hear if ain't nobody talkin'."

Graciously, a crusty 21 year-old Platoon Sergent and war veteran who is the director of the Marine unit responsible for the 8mm short-film, and who participated within the contingent of U.S. forces that liberated the Dachau concentration camp amongst other notable operations during the latter part of the war, has agreed to speak with a Stars and Stripes reporter.

"What I've witnessed over the past 4 years would shock most Americans," the Sergent simply stated when asked how he would sum up his time in the Marine Corps.

"In fact, I volunteered to fight [enlist in the war] as soon as I could because of Pearl Harbor, obviously; but, also because I had heard reports of some of the atrocities against humanity that were taking place under Germany's government," the Sergent continued. "Yet, what I saw in Germany, in war and especially after its surrender -- literally, the camps -- even I wasn't prepared for that."

Questioned about how these experiences have shaped his life, the Sergent paused for a moment, apparently gathering his thoughts, and responded:

"Well, it haunts me to this day. It's why I'm still here. I feel I'm doing my part," the Sergent explained. "What I've seen nobody should ever have to see, much less experience. The mass degradation of humanity -- what on earth were these people [in German society] thinking?"

The dark-haired Sergent with Jewish roots continued, "And frankly, if it weren't for the sacrifices of tens of thousands of Soldiers, Airmen, Sailors, and Marines, we'd all be Germans now," he quipped before noting with a chuckle," and honestly, I'm not sure how many good and decent folks would have survived that scenario -- I'm for damned sure not blonde-haired and blue-eyed!"

Soon, however, the conversation shifted away from his and his platoon's wartime experiences and on to the hot topic of the day: Integration.

Specifically, as the subject of the platoon's short-film was brought up, the Sergent's demeanor changed perceptively.

"That was all in fun," he said laughingly before explaining further. "Look, we've all been through a lot over here. We've seen the very worst of humanity -- and make no mistake about it, we're still defending our country from her enemies even though the war is over. It's been and continues to be a very stressful job. There are times we just need a release."

Asked if he supports the planned integration of Negroes within the Armed Forces given their notable past contributions during the various wars this nation has fought, including the most recent war involving virtually the entire world, the Sergent could only say, "I can't say."

"Look," the Sergent went on to explain, "I could get into real trouble by coming out in favor of integrating the services. I mean, these films that are being produced -- at least ours anyway -- it's just a bunch of guys enjoying themselves in a very stressful environment, that's all."

The Sergent further stressed, "Please, don't read anything into the short-film. Don't ask because we won't tell. I'm not saying we're for integration, and I'm not saying we're against it. We just need to let off some steam once in awhile, and this seemed like a great way to do it. I mean really, that's all. It was supposed to be funny. We're just a bunch of bored guys trying to entertain, that's all!"

As the interview ended, the Sergent had one final request: "If the USO needs any good performers to accompany Bob Hope, I've got an entire troupe of talented Marines just itching for some notoriety!"

1954, UPDATE:
This just in, and with little fanfare, the United States military has finally disbanded its last all-black unit 6 years after President Truman signed Executive Order 9981 mandating integration, and equality of treatment. The stars of the short-film have all moved on, however, thus were not available for comment as of this update.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more