Research Quantifies Dangers of Watching Cartoons

Funny story written by Albert-racer-X

Sunday, 18 April 2010

image for Research Quantifies Dangers of Watching Cartoons
David Bergman at the news conference

Professor Ted Harvard, who teaches at the University of Bedford in New York City held a news conference on Tuesday to present his argument that watching cartoons harms the lives of small children across the nation. He complains that children who are allowed to watch cartoons lose an estimated 52.2 % of their valuable time which they need to create a normal life for themselves.

He brought to the news conference a nineteen year old student, named David Bergman, whose parents allowed him to watch cartoons every evening for a period of thirteen years till the age of eighteen. David attempted college twice but dropped out and was placed in a special educational program to bring him up to college level. Professor Harvard said, "David is a good example of someone who was pushed out of the race to a successful life."

From the Professors view points, if parents allow their children to watch cartoons for two hours each day, then it takes expensive time out of the distance time line, preventing their children from competing for life and becoming successful.

The Professor advised parents not to allow their children to watch anymore cartoons, and to guide them to do their homework so they could be able to live successful lives in the future.

The Professor spent two years in his garage creating a math formula to determine the possible success rate of school children across America. It took him hours of critical thinking and writing out math problems to understand the conditions of success and wealth as it relates to time.

Formula (Hrs x Yrs = Time Storage Distance)

Time Storage Distance is an extent of advance from a beginning, creating a measurement of permanently stored data in the human brain cells. The distance in the formula is related to DNA and the aging process. The aging process creates a distance related to movement through time; a movement that can't be retracted or changed once it has begun and passed.

The formula uses sessions which are the time periods required for the brain to store information in its cells after the information is repeated three times. Sessions is defined as a period devoted to a particular activity.

The Professor's notes read: 3hrs x 3 days= 9hrs per 1week= one week= 1session, 4section per month (9 x 4=36 hours per month- 36hrs in 4 sessions times 12 months (12 x 432hrs per 48 sessions = 48 sections per year x 13yrs(time period between 5th grade and 12th). 13 x 432hrs= 5616hrs available for learning till 18 years old(free public education) = (624 sessions=5616hrs) 624 sections till high school.

An estimated 624 sessions is allowed by time, which is in constant movement, to easily learn information up to the age of 18 years old while the mind can easily learn information. The professor takes public education into consideration because most kids can't afford a college education.

The questions the Professor asked himself were- How many books per 624 sessions? The same page three times during three days equals one session. How many different books per session? How much information can be absorbed in 624 sessions? How many seconds in a session?

Each letter in a book is classified as a bit. The Professor asked himself again- How many bits can a young person read in an amount of time? What is the estimated amount of bits in a book page and book? He relates time to stored data to get an estimate of gain or loss.

Estimate: 10 seconds= 60 bits of information(bits=letters) = estimated1000 bits per page or 1000 letters in a page. 1000bits divided by 60bits= 16.66(rounded 16.7)bits times 10seconds= 167seconds divided 60seconds(one minute)= 2.78 minutes per book page. The average number of pages in a school book is estimated at 600 pages times 2.78 minutes= 1668 minutes= 60 minutes(one hour)= 27.8 hrs per book. Up to high school, there are 13,104hrs in the time line. Divide 5616hrs by 27.8hrs to get the amount of books a student can study =202.01(rounded= 202.0) The estimated amount of books is 202 books till the age of 18yrs. Since one page has to be repeated 3 times in three days 202 has to be divided by 3= 67.33(rounded 67.3)= 67.3 books till the age of 18yrs old.

Math formula to determine hours available for learning: 3hrs=day x 7 days= 21hrs x 4 weeks= 84 hrs x 12 months= 1008hrs a year x (18yrs - 5yrs = 13 yrs after kindergarten is removed) 13yrs= 13,104hrs

Cartoons hours: 2hrs=day x 7 days= 14hrs x 4= 56hrs x 12= 672hrs a year x (18yrs - 5yrs = 13yrs) 13yrs x 672hrs a year= 8736hrs a year of lost time in relation to distance. This is a sort of a ruler.

Subtract Cartoon hours from the distance time line= 13,104hrs - 8736hrs= 4368hrs(left). 8736hrs by 27.8hrs= 314.244(rounded 314.2)= 314.2/3= 104.73. Subtract 202- 104.7= 97.3. 104.7 divided by 3= 34.9 books (67.3 - 34.9= 32.4)-(round 35/67=?/100= 52.2/100 . 52.2 % is a bit more than half of their knowledge is lost because of watching cartoons.

The time distance time line only allows from the age of 19 to 29 for a person to have children because of the biological decay of the body and the support time that parents need to spend with their children for a successful future. This means that a successful career needs to be started at age 26 after finishing the university. With so much knowledge is lost because of the time spent watching cartoons, children that watch television won't be able to meet the time line dead line. Parents who allow children to watch cartoons are causing them a great amount of damage. Previous knowledge is crucial to compete with other children who have never watched cartoons in their lives but who spent those critical hours collecting previous knowledge through studying.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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