Sex Rehab Clinic Shortage, Quickie Solutions Offered

Written by Gail Farrelly

Friday, 2 April 2010

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Sex? Just a small serving please.

Celebrities seeking help with sex addiction issues have put the focus on a major crisis in the U.S. Sadly, there just aren't enough facilities available to tame oversexed folks.

Frantic psychiatrists and psychologists involved in this kind of treatment had a convention in Wash., D. C., to discuss the problem.

They developed a three-pronged "quickie" plan of attack:

-- Faster therapy. As one doctor suggested to his colleagues, "We should talk as fast as we can, give them the quickie treatment, then boot them out the door. Extended chatting or navel gazing should not be permitted. Quick turnover is the name of the game."

-- After a brief course of therapy, patients can be moved to halfway houses and instructed to have sex only half as much as they used to. A good transition.

-- Outpatient therapy (quick, mini sessions, maybe even at drive-thru venues) could be provided in places such as strip clubs, bars, 7-Eleven Stores, and McDonald's restaurants.

Breaking News: President Obama has just announced that he's discovered some leftover stimulus money that will be used to support a massive spending program to build additional sex rehab facilities.

Medicaid patients (that is, the low income groups) will qualify for treatment in the new facilities; Medicare patients (the 65 and over group) will not.

Obama was quoted as saying, "If you're over 65 and still oversexed, I'd advise leaving well enough alone. In fact, I'd say GO FOR IT -- and get as much as you can, while you still can."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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