Written by Cuff

Friday, 19 March 2010

image for Obama Reschedules the Apocalypse
Wishful thinking

President Obama rescheduled the apocalypse citing various conflicts. "As we all know the Mayan calendar and various other firm sources prove that the world will end on December 21st 2012. After diligent review I, as God's representative on earth, have changed this date to better suit the needs of our people."

In a self serving handout, something the administration is very experienced with, the President explained that the date was just too close to the holidays of Christmas, Hanukah, Kwanzaa, Bodhi Day, various New Years, Ashura, Obama's planned reelection inauguration, Makar Sankrant, the Superbowl and Muhammad's birthday to be realistic. "We thought to bump it up and Black Friday, the day after Thanksgiving, seemed appropriate but the retailing lobbyists went insane arguing that this would be the last chance America could get a good bargain on crap they don't need before Armageddon and they had planned for record sales besides we will need the extra time to get health care reform legislation passed."

The upcoming end of days has been well documented and only the manner of our destruction is under debate with a plethora of options from gamma blasts, asteroid collisions, Al Gore's guarantee of out of control global warming and of course the administration itself. The President was vague about the specifics of mankind's erasure from existence saying that the History Channel, the world's most respected news source, and Syfy are next to each other on his satellite guide so he gets confused.

After he lobbied and revceived 200 billion from Congress to study the issue President Obama announced that the new date for extinction will be 02-10-2013 and called Glen Beck Day.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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