Written by Monkey Woods

Thursday, 25 February 2010

image for Killer Whale Does What It's Supposed To Do - Kills Trainer
A photo of the whale police are looking for

A killer whale has acted precisely as it should, and killed a 40-year-old female trainer at the SeaWorld marine park in Orlando, Florida.

Officials described the incident as an accident, saying the woman fell in the water, but witnesses have claimed the whale jumped up out of the water and grabbed her by the waist, laughing.

Guests were evacuated while fire crews tried to rescue the woman, but they were unable to revive her.

One witness, 14-year-old Dwayne Mutha, told us:

"It was great, and so exciting! The fish sprang out of the pool and smiled at us before grabbing that bitch and sucking her under! It all happened in the twinkling of an eye! I'll definitely be returning next year with my friends!"

The killer whale - called Tilikum - was also involved in the death of a trainer in Canada in 1991, and is now to be reclassified as a Serial Killer Whale.

World renowned trainer, Dana Huckshit, said:

"Tilikum is a killer. He's given me the 'evil eye' a few times. He should be locked up like other trash."

Donald Osmosis reacted by saying:

"Tilikum is a killer whale; what do you expect? If he was called a Tame Whale, nobody would come to see him. People pay to see a Killer Whale kill, and nothing less. It's murder they expect, and it's murder they got! And Tilikum is not his real name."

Other whales were also said to have attacked trainers ever increasingly in recent times. Marine biologists who have studied the beasts there now say that it's possible that whales have developed 'abnormal intelligence', and may be attempting to take over the world.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Death, Whale

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