Major Newspapers Turning to All Satire Format

Funny story written by NickFun

Sunday, 10 January 2010

image for Major Newspapers Turning to All Satire Format
Judith Cranston of Providence, RI reads the satirical Los Angeles Times.

Faced with growing concerns about reporting errors, privacy and being forced to reveal sources, many of the nations top newspapers such as the Los Angeles Times, New York Times, Detroit Free Press and Washington Post are turning to an all-satire format to escape government and legal hassles.

According to the law, all "news" stories have to be based in total fact. Despite the U.S. Constitution allowing Freedom of the Press, the Supreme court has ruled on several occasions that news reporters must now reveal their sources or spend time in jail. Satire news has no such restrictions.

"Satire can be entirely true or just a bunch of made-up bullshit", explained The Spoof satire writer NickFun. "No one can sue you if it's not supposed to be true".

New York Times reporter Judith Miller was jailed for refusing to reveal her sources in the Valerie Plume case. "If I had simply called the story 'satire' I could have stayed out of jail", Miller lamented.

David Ashenfelter of the Detroit Free Press, who is now in jail for refusing to reveal sources, also lamented that he had not prefaced his story with "satire". "The government threw out the First Amendment, which guarantees Freedom of the Press. Then it tossed out the Fifth Amendment which guarantees privilege against self-incrimination in refusing to give testimony. Now I'm screwed".

New York Times editor Clark Hoyte regrets that the newspaper did not change to an all-satire format long ago.

"We've gotten in so much trouble with our reporting errors", Hoyte stated. "Now that we're changing to all-satire all the time we can write anything we want without fear of retribution!"

Hoyte says he is editing a piece about a massive White House pie-throwing contest which involves a naked First Lady and the President dressed in drag. He is grateful that he does not have to reveal sources or check the story for accuracy.

The NY Times is changing its slogan from "All the News That's Fit to Print" to "All the Satire That's Print to Fit".

Readers of this story will make their own assertions as to whether or not any part is true.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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