NY Times to Sell Publishing Operations

Funny story written by Austin Turnip

Tuesday, 29 September 2009

The New York Times Company has announced that it is seeking a buyer for its failing publishing operation. This follows in the footsteps of the news that Time Warner, Inc is considering selling its publishing operations, which include Time Magazine, People and Sports Illustrated, among other periodicals.

The New York Times stock price has fallen below $10 per share as it struggles with declining circulation and advertising revenue.

Consumers of news have had to turn to other sources recently as the Times found itself unable - or unwilling - to cover major scandals such as the ACORN child prostitution sting, the NEA's political activities, and the "trutherism" of Green Czar Van Jones.

Executive Editor Bill Keller has denied that any political bias caused those political scandals to not make it through the paper's editorial filter.

Instead, Mr, Keller claims that, "It is a matter of how we use our resources. Maintaining our critical Wasilla, Alaska bureau consumes tremendous human resources. With persistence, our professional and unbiased journalists will certainly break some embarrassing stories on the former governor of Alaska." Mr. Keller continued, "We are also having to devote tremendous resources to tracking down a rumor that a married Republican congressman has a crush on a male barrista at the Landover Starbucks."

According to "Anonymous Source", who has been quoted extensively in the Times' political coverage in recent years, the likely buyer is The Prairie States Gazette. The Gazette's editor, Hank Workman, didn't deny the rumor. "It's a good fit. They have a larger circulation than we do, but we have a reputation for actually covering all the news. We think there is a hunger in major metro markets for a paper that only puts opinions in the editorial page."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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