Scott Peterson Serial Killers and Anchors

Funny story written by Rebut

Friday, 24 September 2004

image for Scott Peterson Serial Killers and Anchors
Various Cereal Killers interviewed by Grogan...

Scott Peterson on trial, and facing the death penalty if convicted, for the murder of his pregnant wife Laci and their unborn child shed a single tear the day it was confirmed to him that the bodies had been found. This was according to Modesto Police Detective Craig Grogan.

Of course Grogan didn't point out that anyone who sells fertiliser would find it hard to give a shit about anyone else. What he did confirm was that the investigation had also tracked potential serial killers who went after pregnant women.

This part of the investigation did not yield any suspects. Had Laci been attacked in the park for her diamonds, an earlier theory, we would have seen a re-release of "Laci in the sky with diamonds.."

Grogan said that they had had a number of other suspects including members of Laci's family, Amber Frey and a genius located in an East Coast Mental Hospital who confessed to the murders. You know the type, bored, just finished eating the last remains of Mrs Gordon in ward he figures he might as well go to weekly confession...Imagine the phone call :

"Holy father I have sinned" - "Modesto Police Department.." - "I have killed the Peterson bitch..." - "Do you want detectives or our charge office?" - "I dumped the body in a quarry..." - "All our operators are busy....".

Of course when they ask him what church he belongs to he tells them : The Modesto Apostolic Police and Busy Operators.... Sadly Grogan ruled him out...and he thought the audition had gone so well.

Scott Peterson was arrested on April 18 2003. Grogan said that they feared that Peterson would make a break for it as soon as the bodies were identified so they took him into custody.

The media coverage was intense so Peterson would be kept up to date on everything that was going on. That is why they arrested Scott before the identification of the bodies was finalised. This was done at a San Diego golf course and Grogan confirmed that Peterson was not wearing his wedding ring. Of course we all know that the prosecution allege that he killed Laci because of his affair with Amber Frey.

Grogan also confirmed that there was a point in the long search for the body where he believed that this would be a no-body homicide. Of course if he'd just phoned that lunatic on the East Coast, I'm sure he has spares.....

Geragos, Scott's attorney, believes the police gave up too quickly on the other suspects. The defense claim that someone other than Scott did it. The lunatic on the East Coast confessed...let's go home.

Another key issue which Geragos dealt with was the cement anchors the prosecution alleges Scott made to sink the body in the bay. Peterson says he made an anchor for his boat and paved his drive with the rest of the cement. Previous witnesses say that the cement used for the anchor differs from that used in the drive.

Prosecutors say Scott Peterson made 5 anchors, one of which they found on the boat. The rest they allege were tied to Laci. "Laci in the bay with anchors?" It'll never sell.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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