Trial Lawyer Buys Own Ambulance to Round Up Cases

Funny story written by Philip Moon

Friday, 4 December 2009

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Truscott & Sons New Ambulance

Davenport, IA - Aaron Truscott IV, Esq., a trial attorney from a family of infamous ambulance chasers, has taken the family firm "Truscott & Sons" to a new level with the purchase of the firm's first ambulance.

Truscott said that competition from rival firms in the current economic environment prompted the decisions.

"When all the major law firms started shedding employees several younger lawyers decided to start their own firms. Since trial law is the most lucrative it's drawn the most people," Truscott said.

Fearing he would get lost in the cacophony of TV spots and in the plethora of print ads in the telephone book and newspaper, Truscott figured buying the actual ambulance was the only thing to keep clients and revenues coming in.

"The local ER is full of competitors rushing to get the next slip and fall victim. It's like Wal-Mart on Black Friday out there. I figured that if I provide the ambulance, I get first dibs," Truscott said.

In addition to first access Truscott can also count on a steady source of transportation fees, allowing him to advise clients on suing insurance companies.

"Even if the client has no insurance to cover the cost, I can offer to throw in the ambulance ride for free if I win their injury case. Who says their is no free ride?" Truscott said.

Purchasing the ambulance comes with its own costs and liabilities. Recently Truscott faced a lawsuit from a rival lawyer.

"That crummy bastard Lyle Horowitz managed to get to one of my clients while I was outside taking a phone call and convinced her that my ambulance was leaking carbon monoxide. I won the case, but it made me start requiring a waiver and install carbon monoxide detectors in the back to prove my vehicles are safe," Truscott said.

Truscott said he hoped to have a large fleet in the next five years and be the number one carrier in the local area.

"My biggest competition in the local fire department, and I'd like to say, if you've been hurt while under the medical care of the local fire department, contact me, Aaron Truscott, a name you know, a name you can trust." Truscott said.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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