When "Hog Fever" Goes Too Far

Funny story written by jessi james

Friday, 22 July 2005

image for When "Hog Fever" Goes Too Far
Eufaula Man in Pig Suit Steals Construction Vehicle

ALAPAHA, GA (AP) A giant wild hog fever is running rampant. The recent kill of the 1000 pound feral hog called "Hogzilla" has everyone catching the idea of hunting for unique animals.

There has been a rise across the country in both hunting license and rifle sales. "Hog fever," as it has been named, is sweeping the nation, especially in the Southeastern region. The "Hogzilla" kill has sparked a festival in Alapaha, celebrating the fallen giant pig. The "hog fever" is quickly spilling over to other continents with famed beasts on the loose.

The "Hogzilla" kill is also sparking interests in hunting for Bigfoot in the Northeast and the Yeti in Canada. These hunting groups are seeking advice from Chris Griffen, actual shooter of "Hogzilla," and Ken Holyoak, the owner of the wild hog plantation in Alapaha. There has been rumor of using the men's instinctive hunting skills in searching for the Loch Ness Monster, as well.

President Bush declared Aug. 23 as "National Hogzilla Day," and the Festival of Hogs is to be held on that day every year in Alapaha and around the country. Hollywood has also contacted Holyoak in hopes of creating a full-length motion picture documentary and, perhaps, a horror film from the concept of "Hogzilla."

The massive hog was buried shortly after being shot, with only one picture and very few eyewitness accounts. Griffen and Holyoak claim that they buried the hog to speed up decomposition, so that the skull and tusks may be kept for display purposes.

Hog fever has become so catching that a man dressed in a pink pig suit stole a construction vehicle on Tuesday afternoon in Eufaula, AL. The Birmingham Police Department finally apprehended the man just outside of the Birmingham city limits. When asked why he stole the vehicle, as well as why he was wearing a pig suit, the man was noted as saying: "I wanted to be the largest wild pig captured yet." And he was, with the vehicle weighing in at an amazing 15,000 pounds.

Birmingham Police reports indicated that the man in the pig suit, whose identity has not been released to the media, had no traces of alcohol or drugs in his system. He has been charged with grand theft auto, failure to stop for police officers in three counties, as well as reckless endagerment. His sentencing hearing has not yet been scheduled. However, police authorities indicate that they will have a zero-tolerance policy on the wild pig-antics associated with the "Hogzilla" episode.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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