Kerry's secret identity revealed[/b]
A new 527 group has emerged to combat the allegations from the SwiftVets, which have dogged the Kerry campaign. The new group, Cambodians Rallying Against the President (CRAP), have come out with an new ad proclaiming that while they were celebrating Christmas in 1968 they observed Kerry's swiftboat deep in Cambodian waters. Though they are devout Buddhists, CRAP members all recalled that they were celebrating Christman by shooting their guns in the air and shouting "Death to the future American President Nixon". CRAP spokesman HiDung Pyle stated that the groups is in no way tied to the Kerry campaign but they had to come out and voice their concerns after seeing the SwiftVets demean John Kerry's service.
In a surprise development, Pyle stated he personally saw John Kerry's swiftboat in Cambodia on Christmas in 1968 and that John Kerry was wearing a Superman's outfit, leaping from side to side down the Mekong Delta. The annoucement debunked an age old myth that a small time reporter named Clark Kent was actually Superman.
John Kerry was asked about the revelation that he possessed flying ability and he stated that "I learned how to fly before I realized I couldn't fly." He then jumped off the stage yelling "Up, up and away" and fell on to veteran White House reporter Mary McGory. McGory had to be rushed to the hospital with multiple broken bones. Hospital spokespersons said it looked like a ton of steel had fallen on McGory.
John O'Neil of SwiftVets was unavailable for comment but a spokesman said that Kerry's Superman ability would explain why no one else was hit by enemy fire during Kerry's time in Vietnam.
President George Bush was asked about Kerry being Superman. The President was surprised to find out Kerry was Superman, stating that he "thought it was that guy in the wheelchair". President Bush immediately resigned from office because he thought there was no way he could beat the "man of steel". Beating a man of wood like "that dork Gore" was "easy", but a "man made out of steel, well dang, I can't go against that".
Records show that CRAP has received a $2.5 million donation from a mysterious and unnamed South African woman. Pyle stated that he would not name the donor but he did complain about all the hard work it was to get banks to accept so much money "with ketchup stains all over it".
