Celebituaries: John Allen Muhammad

Funny story written by neilwatson

Wednesday, 11 November 2009

image for Celebituaries: John Allen Muhammad
Lethal injection beats gunman

The man behind the headlines above the 2002 sniper attacks in and around Washington DC has been executed, after a lethal injection did exactly what it said on the tin.

The shootings left sphincters in the Washington area clenched for three weeks in 2002. Louisiana, Alabama and Arizona have also asked for several rectal tightenings in their own states of emergency to be taken into consideration.

Tragically, the shootist died without a nickname, a luxury not afforded to Edward "The Jackal" Fox.

Muhammad's legal team says the ex-soldier suffered from Gulf War Syndrome, but not to the extent that he would have shot his own accomplice. His accomplice, Clemency, was thrown out of court.

Muhammad was still pronounced Muhammad in time for his death, 2111, 102 years into his own future. The sniper-cution was administered by lethal injection, injected intravenously.The ceremony was watched by several victims' relatives and other well-wishers.

John Allen Muhammad's "reign of fire" lead to the skilled marksman missing out on America's selection for gun-related events at the 2012 Olympics by over two years.

Celebituaries: Many of the facts, laid to rest in a different order

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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