President Obama Releases "The White House Enemies List"

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Saturday, 24 October 2009

image for President Obama Releases "The White House Enemies List"
The White House Enemies List was devised in the Condoleezza Rice Kitchen (lower left, first window).

WASHINGTON, D.C. - White House Press Secretary Cal Colfax has said that President Obama has decided to give in to public opinion and release the so called 'White House Enemies List.'

Colfax was quick to point out that White House Enemies Lists are nothing new to the world of White House presidents.

He noted that President Abraham Lincoln had an enemies list that included 173 names. Richard Nixon had a list that included 791 names, and George W. Bush (the one who made up the st*pid a*s story about the weapons of mass destruction) reportedly had an enemies list of names that numbered 1,972,968.

Colfax pointed out that just because President Barack Obama has an enemies list does not make him a bad guy. It just simply makes him 'one of the boys,' ah, let's make that, 'one of the guys.' Yeah that sounds better politically corrected and all.

Colfax said that number 10 on the list is Elisabeth Hasselbeck because she along with Paris Hilton are probably two of the ditsiest fake blonde celebrities in America.

Number 9 on the list is Lou Dobbs. Lou is on there for two reasons. One when it comes to immigration, space exploration, and intonation, the big old cabbage patch doll has no idea what the hell he is talking about. The second reason is because the fella is just plain overweight.

Holding down the number 8 spot is California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger. Arnie is also there for two reasons. One he is single handedly driving California into the proverbial outhouse of financial ruin.

In the few short years that he has been governor the ex-European exchange student has caused more damage to the Left Coast state than all of the over 2 million earthquakes, mudslides, wild fires, smog, and volcanic eruptions put together.

The second reason he is on the White House Enemies List is because of his horrendous accent. In the accent department, Arnie is up there with Fernando Llamas, the Gabor sisters, Charo, Sammy Sosa, Tatiana Del Toro, and President Calvin Coolidge.

In the number 7 position is Kate Gosselin of Jon and Kate Plus 8, or Jon and Kate Plus 8 Minus Jon, or Kate and The 8 Brats, or whatever the name of the new revamped, Jonless show is going to be.

Kate is perhaps the most domineering wife since the ancient TV days of Ma and Pa Kettle. Kate the Great, as she likes to refer to herself can certainly give Carrie Heffernan of the TV sitcom King of Queens a damn good run for her money.

In the number 6 position is none other than the hip-hop rapper Kanye West. West the Pest is there because both President Obama and the "First Mama" agree that Kanye showed that he was a total jerk by taking the microphone away from Taylor Swift.

The president admitted that it was embarrassing due to the fact that Kanye is black. Mrs. Obama even went as far as to say that she hopes that Mr. West comes forward and tells every one that he is Cuban, or Jamaica, or Puerto Rican.

Holding down the list's number 5 slot is Sarah Palin. The female big game hunter who would much rather shoot a Kodiak moose than mop a kitchen floor has already set her high-powered rifle's telescopic sights on 2012.

Snowflake Palin has lately taken to telling folks that she is probably a lot more manlier than 60 percent of the 'Lower 48' states males.

Number 4 goes to Ann "Giddy Up" Coulter. And the reasons are just to damn numerous to mention. But basically Ann has demonstrated time after time after time that she is by far the most hated woman in America. And it would be a safe bet to throw in the United Kingdom, Europe, Asia, and the Bronx.

The number 3 position goes to Rush "Mushmouth" Limbaugh. The Pillsbury Doughgrouch lookalike has undermined the Obama administration dozens of times. He has gone on record as saying that Mrs. Obama does not need to go around showing America her sleeveless suntanned arms.

The rotund wonder has also said that he hopes that America fails. One of R.L.'s defenders said that it was just the drugs talking. Well that is no excuse. Rush is nothing but a extremely high-paid character assassin who needs to lose about 105 pounds.

Sitting at number 2 is Dick "DickyPoo" Cheney. The man is an embarrassment to everyone in America who's surname is Cheney. Cheney is the only vice-president in history who actually shot someone.

The GOPunk is lucky that the man he shot is a fellow Republican, because if he had shot a Democrat, the Democrat would have filed charges, Cheney would have been arrested, tried, convicted, and given a 12 to 15 year prison sentence.

And sitting at the very top of The White House Enemies List is none other than Glenn "Crybaby" Beck. The 'Teardrops Boy' has called the president of the United States a Nazi.

Becky, as his grandmother calls him, is lucky that he lives in the U.S. because if he lived in Latin America, the citizens would have already turned him into a human pinata.

Colfax said that receiving honorable mention on the White House Enemies List are Sean Hannity, Bill O'Reilly, Laura Bush, Bristol Palin, Brett Hume, and Cindy McCain.

For a complete list of The 2009 White House Enemies List logon to www.bastardsandbitchesofamerica.sux

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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