FORT COLLINS, Colorado - Fort Collins Sheriff Jimbo "Bison Rider" Alfrasetti has just informed the media that the members of the Heehaw family, also known as the 'Balloon family' have all been arrested.
Sheriff Alfrasetti said that the so-called Balloon family including "Balloon Papa" Richie, "Balloon Mama" Maypole, and three "Balloon Boys" Eagle, Hawk, and Woodpecker were all rousted from their restless sleep and driven in a paddy wagon to the Fort Collins Sheriff's Department.
The Fort Collins sheriff said that the family did not put up any resistance except for the mother who was complaining that she was being harassed when one of the deputies referred to her as 'ma'am.'
Maypole Heehaw said that in her native country of Indonesia calling someone 'ma'am' is equivalent to calling them a scum-licking, third class, worthless mama pig.
Deputy Waylon Middlewater who called Mrs. Heehaw the 'M' word told her that this is not Indonesia and that this is the United States of America and that if she does not like being referred to as 'ma'am' then after they are released from custody she can go back to her Fort Collins home, pack all of her friggin' belongings and get her effen butt on back to friggin' Indonesia.
Mrs. Heehaw looked up at Deputy Middlewater and said, "You one mean man. You no like me 'cause I no look like Britney Spears, Lindsay Lohan, or Ann Coulter."
The deputy laughed and said, "Yep. You hit the nail right on the frackin' head Ling Chow now move your chopstick legs before I take out my pepper spray and spray your complaining yellow caboose all the way from here to Denver."
Her husband told the deputy that he could not talk to his wife like that as she was a naturalized citizen who pays taxes, eats Big Mac Burgers, buys American brewed beer, and watches American Idol.
Deputy Middlewater told Mr. Heehaw that all of the violin music was starting to make him somewhat disoriented and he was getting ready to throw up like little Eagle Heehaw seems to do about every 35 minutes or so.
Middlewater then told "Balloon Papa" that if he uttered one more word he would take out his brand new state-of-the-art taser and taser his hoax-perpetrating boy-lost-in-the-balloon story rump like it was going out-of-style.
The deputy then handed the paddy wagon driver five dollars and told him to turn on his siren and red flashing lights and take the 'Manson family' on out of Dodge and on over to police headquarters as fast as humanly possible.
The state of Colorado District Attorney Blasingame Bookchase said that their is substantial evidence to charge all five members of the Heehaw family with violating The Colorado Hoax and Prank Statute Law. Bookchase said that if convicted the Heehaw's will receive a fine of up to $8,000, they will have their home confiscated and sold at a state auction, and they will be forced to move to Utah.
